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THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 
A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS 



By 
LEONID ANDREYEV 



Anathema 

The Life of Man 

The Sorrows of Belgium 



THE 

WALTZ OF THE DOGS 

A Play in Four Acts 



BY 

LEONID ANDREYEV 



AUTHORIZED TRANSLATION FROM THE 
ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT BY 

HERMAN BERNSTEIN 



THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
1922 

All rights reserved 



PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



*$ 



Copyright, 1922, 
By HERMAN BERNSTEIN. 



Set up and printed. Published September, 1922. 



>C».A681949 



Press of 
J. J. Little & Ives Company 
New York, U. S. A, 



SEP 27 1922 






CHARACTERS 

Henry Tile 

Carl Tile, his brother 

Elizabeth 

Alexandrov, nicknamed "Feklusha" 

"Happy Jennie" 

Andrey Tizenhausen 

Ivan Yermolayev 

Ivan, man servant 

Two House Painters 



THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 



ACT I 

Scene: Two house painters are singing a song 
behind the wall. They sing it softly, without 
words, monotonously. Carl Tile, a stu- 
dent, is sitting at his brother Henry Tile's 
writing table. The apartment is new, not 
yet completely finished or furnished; nor is 
the room in which Carl Tile is sitting com- 
pletely finished. It is intended as a drawing 
room, and the new furniture is arranged in 
strict order: armchairs, plain chairs, a small 
round table near a couch, an oval mirror; 
but there are no rugs, no draperies, and no 
paintings. In the middle of the room a table 
is set for dinner. Everything in the room is 
angular, cold, lifeless — life had not yet begun 
there. The new little piano is very glossy ; 
music is arranged on the music stand. Carl 
Tile is busying himself with a skeleton key. 



2 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Carl 
The house painters are singing. 

He whistles softly to the tune of the quiet song 
without words. Then he strikes the table 
with his palm softly and says: 

Yes. 

He strikes the table twice again after measured 

pauses, repeating: 
Yes— Yes. 

Pause. 

I have just opened my brother Henry's table with 
a skeleton key. I was looking for money. But I 
found only twenty-five rubles — only twenty-five 
rubles. That's too little. 

Again he strikes the table after measured pauses. 
Yes — Yes — Yes. I wonder whether my brother 
Henry — Henry Tile — knows that I am a card- 
sharp, a gambler, a thief, that I am looking for a 
woman to support me ! No, he does not know. 
My brother Henry is not wise. No. No. Now 
he'll think the house painters stole the twenty- 
five rubles, he may not even notice that they are 
missing. "Brother Carl!" he says, "Brother 
Carl." Yes. — But could I? — If Henry had much 
money, oh, a lot of money, of course — and if it 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 3 

could be done unnoticed, oh, of course, unnoticed 
— could I kill Henry, my brother Henry Tile? 

He rises and walks up and down the room twice. 
He is tall, straight, in a long student's coat, 
hanging clumsily and loosely upon him. His 
hair is brushed back smoothly, and is glossy. 
The dark blue collar of his coat is unusually 
high. Carl's face is dry, somewhat stern, 
with regular features, and very decorous. 
He sits down at the table again and taps it 
three times, saying: 

Yes — Yes — Yes. The house painters are sing- 
ing. A sad tune. A quiet tune. I am a scamp, 
yet I am fond of sad songs, while my brother 
Henry has no taste at all. And his new apart- 
ment is dreadful. There is something here that 
inspires crime. The house painters are singing. 

He whistles softly to the accompaniment of the 
tune. He hears the sound of the door open- 
ing in the corridor, voices; and rising slowly, 
he walks up and down the room with meas- 
ured steps as before. Enter Henry Tile, 
and his associates, Dmitry Yermolayev, 
a stumpy man of Russian type, and Andrey 
Tizenhausen. Behind them walks Alex- 
ANDROV, smiling confusedly and happily. He 



4 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

is nicknamed "Feklusha" — he had been a 
schoolmate of Henry Tile in the first 
classes of the gymnasium. 

Henry 
Hello, Carl. How are you? 

Carl 
Hello, Henry. Thank you. And how are you? 

Henry 

Thank you, I'm well. Gentlemen, are you all 
acquainted with my brother Carl? Carl, these 
are my associates at the bank — they are all gen- 
tlemen for whom I have a great deal of respect. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

How do you do, Mr.. Tile? 

Yermolayev 
Very pleased to make your acquaintance. You 
resemble your older brother very much, very 
much. 

Henry 

O, yes, we resemble each other a great deal. He 
is a fine fellow, a serious worker. 

To Carl: 

And this gentleman is known as Feklusha — are 

you acquainted? They call him Feklusha. 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 5 

Laughs. 

We used to go to school together — to the Peter 

school. He was expelled from the second class, 

and he has had hard luck all his life. Feklusha, 

you were expelled from the second class, weren't 

you? 

Laughs. 

Feklusha 

From the third, Mr. Tile. For lack of ability. 
My conduct was excellent. 

Henry 

He says, for lack of ability ! 

Laughs. 

I met him on the Nevsky yesterday. It was rain- 
ing hard — Twenty years have passed since we 
parted, still I recognized him. And he was walk- 
ing very fast. You were running, Feklusha, 
weren't you? 

Feklusha 
It was raining, and I had no umbrella. I was 
running ! 

Henry 
I invited him to dinner to-day. But, gentlemen, 
I hope you will forgive me if the dinner is not 
as good as I should like you to have in my new 



6 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

home. This is my first dinner at home, and I 
cannot guarantee that my new cook is an expert. 

Yermolayev 
Mr. Tile, why should you excuse yourself? I 
only hope we are not inconveniencing you. 

Henry 
Oh, no, I am glad. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

What excuses ! On the contrary, I am highly flat- 
tered that you invited me to the first dinner at 
your own home. When you are married, and you 
will have everything in order, you will forget your 
old friend Andrey Tiz-enhausen. 

Henry 
Everything will be in order, but I will never for- 
get old friends. Sit still and smoke your cigar. 

Yermolayev 
To Carl: 

Didn't I see you last week at Donon's restaurant? 
You were sitting there with a lady and an officer — 
I believe he was an officer of the guards? 

Carl 
hying. 
No. I never go to Donon's. 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 7 

Henry 
Carl can't afford such expensive restaurants. 

Yermolayev 
Then I must be mistaken. Excuse me. But he 
looked exactly like you. 

Henry 
You were mistaken, Dmitry. 

To Carl: 

Well, how are you getting on with your work? 

I like to hear about your achievements. 

Carl 
Lying. 
I delivered the second installment yesterday. 

Henry 
Oh, that's good. You are a serious worker. But, 
gentlemen, isn't this song annoying you? I hear 
it again. My house painters are singing there. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

It's without words. I didn't think they called that 
a song. 

Yermolayev 
Listening. 

But it's good! There is something of the stage- 
coach driver in it. 



8 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

To Henry: 

My father was a stage-coach driver. 

Henry 
It sounds very good to me, too. Although my 
father was of Swedish descent, I feel that I am 
a Russian, and I understand this. This is Rus- 
sian sadness. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Although my name is Tizenhausen, I don't even 
know how to speak German. I am a Russian. 
Nevertheless — you will pardon me, Henry, I 
don't understand the meaning of this Russian 
sadness. 

Henry 
Oh, one must feel it. 

Tizenhausen 
Do you feel it? 

Henry 
Not now. Oh, now I am so happy that I cannot 
feel any sadness — Russian, Swedish, or German! 

All laugh. 

Tizenhausen 
Manly words, Henry! But won't you show us 
your new apartment before it gets dark? I am 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 9 

dying of curiosity, I want to see how you are 
building your nest. Look out, Henry, I am an 
old and experienced man ! 

Henry 

Oh, you can't frighten me, you old grumbler! 

Laughs. 

I am only a happy fiance, but you will see what a 

definite plan I have. Oh, you'll see ! 

Yermolayev 
I'd be delighted to see. 

Henry 

Please follow me. Carl, be so kind as to stay 
here with Feklusha while I show them my home. 
Feklusha, please smoke, the cigarettes are on the 
table. 

They go out. Feklusha, confused, takes a 
cigarette. Carl lights a match and holds it 
out to him, while he examines him coldly. 

Feklusha 
Bending over to the match, 
Thank you very much, I'll do it myself. 

Carl 
Please. Why do they call you by such an absurd 
name — "Feklusha"? It's a woman's name. 



io THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Feklusha 
How shall I tell you, Mr. Tile? I suppose it's 
on account of my character. I am always some- 
what timid, inclined to tears, and in the same 
manner, too hasty — quick in my thoughts. 

Carl 
Why "in the same manner"? 

Feklusha 
They say so. 

Carl 
No, they don't. But you are not very quick to- 
day. Where are you employed? 

Feklusha 
How shall I tell you, Mr. Tile? I'm employed 
by the police. 

Carl 
What! 

Feklusha 
No, no, I am working in the office of the chief 
of police, in the passport department. Mr. Henry 
Tile knows about it. 

Carl 
Are you getting much? 



V 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS n 

Feklusha 
Forty rubles — well, together with gratuities and 
extras, and so on, it comes to about ninety rubles. 
A very trivial sum. 

Carl 
A large family? 

Feklusha 
Enormous ! 

Carl 
Why don't you get into the detective service? It's 
more profitable, you could earn more. 

Feklusha 
You're joking. How can I? 

Carl 
No. I am serious. You are hardly suited to be 
a provocateur, but as an ordinary detective you 
might do. It isn't as hard as it seems. How 
much does a good detective get? 

Feklusha 
A trifle — they don't get much. 

Carl 
I mean a good detective? 



12 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Feklusha 
Oh, a really good detective gets enormous sums. 
But since you are talking to me in such a friendly 
spirit, I must confess to you, I have tried it, I 
have made all kinds of efforts — but — 

Carl 
But what? 

Feklusha 
Nothing. I have no abilities of any kind, I am 
not fit for anything worth while. That's my mis- 
fortune. That's why I'm doomed — I have no 
abilities. 

Carl 
None? 

Feklusha 
Not the slightest! You know, there are so many 
opportunities around me that if God had only 
given me some talent, I could have provided for 
my family perfectly. But without talents, I run 
about, and no matter how hard I try, I can't earn 
another kopek. How can I? 

Carl 
Feklusha, could you make or get — I don't know 
what you call it there — could you get me a false 
foreign passport? 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 13 

Feklusha 
No. I couldn't! How could I? 

Carl 
But if you tried — for a substantial sum? 

Feklusha 
What do you need it for? 

Carl 
One must always have a foreign passport for an 
emergency. No, I am only jesting, of course. 
Were you really running when my brother Henry 
met you? 

Feklusha 
You are laughing at me, Mr. Tile? Pardon me, 
but I don't quite understand your conversation. 

Carl 
No, Feklusha, I am not laughing. Do I look 
like a man who is fond of laughing? Henry asked 
me to entertain you, and I am entertaining you. 
Does Henry intend to assist you? 

Feklusha 
I would be extremely happy! He told me that 
he was giving financial aid to his brother — he 
meant you, Mr. Tile? 



14 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Carl 
Yes. But I prefer to speak about you, Feklusha. 
Tell me, when you were a detective, did you often 
have dealings with murderers? 

Feklusha 
With murderers? 

Henry and his friends return, talking. Henry is 
laughing. 

Henry 

You are surprised, you old grumbler? Let me 
brush off your coat, you have soiled your sleeve, 
Dmitry. 

Carl 
I'll bring the brush. 

Yermolayev 
It isn't worth bothering, really, it isn't. 

Henry 
He'll bring the brush. Carl, fetch it. Well, 
gentlemen, how do you like it? 

Laughs happily. 

Yermolayev 
It's a wonderful little apartment, Henry. 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 15 

TlZENHAUSEN 
Yes, I am astounded, Henry. 

Henry 
In the dining room I will have oak-colored wall 
paper, eventually I will change it to oak veneer. 
The windows of the nursery, as I said before, 
will always have the sun. It will always be light 
there. That's hygienic, and essential in Petro- 
grad. Unfortunately, I had too little sunshine 
during my own childhood, so I want my children 
to have plenty. Sunlight is essential. 

TlZENHAUSEN 
But, Henry, you talk as if you already had chil- 
dren, and a heap of them ! That is the self-assur- 
ance of a bachelor! 

Henry 
I will have them. 
Enter Carl with a brush. 

Henry 

Please, Dmitry, Carl will brush your sleeve. I 
will have them. I have already bought a chil- 
dren's cot — in a week from now it will be in its 
proper place waiting for its master. 
Laughs. 



16 THE WALTZ OF THE DQGS [act i 

Yermolayev 
And when is the wedding to take place ? 

Henry 
In a week from now the apartment will be ready. 
In seventeen days, counting from to-day, the wed- 
ding will take place. To-day, by the next mail, 
in about twenty minutes from now, just before 
dinner, I will get a letter from Elizabeth, in which 
she will inform me exactly on what day she ar- 
rives. Elizabeth went to Moscow to see her 
parents. Now this room, Andrey! Here, rugs. 
There, portieres. In these vases, always fresh 
flowers. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

That's a luxury, Henry. 

Henry 

Fresh flowers are not a luxury. And here, over 
the piano, I will have two gravures — meanwhile 
I haven't enough money for paintings — the head 
of Beethoven and Giorgoni's "Concert." Are 
you looking, Feklusha ? 

Feklusha 
I am staring! 

Henry 
Laughing. 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 17 

Staring! And here, Andrey, in this corner, will 
be an armchair in which I will sit quietly while 
Elizabeth plays Beethoven and Grieg. You see, 
I have already secured the music from which she 
will play for the first time, while I will be sitting 
in my armchair. 

Shakes the dust of the music and replaces it care- 
fully and tenderly. 

How dusty ! 

TlZENHAUSEN 

That's from the workmen, Henry. 

Henry 
There will be no dust in my home. Have you a 
piano, Feklusha? 

Feklusha 
Where would I get it, Henry? 

Henry 

Laughs. 

He says, where would he get it? Let me tell you, 
Andrey, this nook where I am going to sit and 
listen is my particular joy. 

Yermolayev 
Have you a lease for this apartment? 



1 8 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 
Yes. I have a lease for three years, with the 
privilege of renewing. I don't want to change 
apartments every three years. Yes, Andrey. My 
mind is dry and practical, I have no talent for 
music, but I am extremely fond of it, just as my 
brother Carl is. 

Carl 
But you play, Henry. 

Henry 

What! Don't joke, Carl. 

Carl 
Have you forgotten? You played well in our 
nursery days. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

So that's the sort of man you are, Henry! At 
the bank we are under the impression that you 
are only a splendid financier, with a most remark- 
able head for figures, while now it appears that 
you are also a musician. Henry — a Mozart! 

Henry 
Laughs. 

Not quite so important. Yes, I recall. There's 
a little piece I used to play with two fingers, that 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 19 

my mother taught me to play when I was a child. 
It is called by a strange name — "The Waltz of 
the Dogs." 

Carl 
Play it, Henry. 

Henry 
Threatening with his finger: 

Now, now, Carl! 

TlZENHAUSEN 

No, you must ! 

To Yermolayev: 

Don't you think he ought to play it for us, or 

we'll be offended and leave. 

Yermolayev 
So that's the kind of talents you have, Henry ! I 
never suspected it, never! And at the bank we 
don't know anything about it. Play ! 

Henry 

Laughs. 

Now, now. But I must admit that Elizabeth is 

very fond of my "Waltz of the Dogs," very! 

All laugh. 

Carl 
\Vell, then, Henry? 



2o THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 
Carl, you are a jester. 

Mockingly: 

But since the audience demands it 

Sits down by the piano, says with mock solemnity: 
I beg the audience to listen attentively. I will 
now play "The Waltz of the Dogs." 

He plays "The Waltz of the Dogs" During the 
playing he sits straight, serious, his face is 
immobile, almost petrified, but after finish- 
ing his play, he bursts into laughter. While 
Henry is playing, Carl watches him coldly 
and closely, then he is the first to applaud. 
General applause, but as there are only few 
listeners, the sound is light. 

Henry 

B owing m o c kingly : 

Ladies and gentlemen, your humble servant! I 
cannot play an encore, but whoever wishes to hear 
this music again, is invited to come in seventeen 
days to the wedding ceremony of Henry Tile and 
the maiden Elizabeth Molchanova. Then I shall 
play it again. 

He laughs and closes the piano cover. 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 21 

Feklusha 
At what time will the wedding take place? 

Henry 

At half past seven. And don't be late ! But you 
will learn all this from the invitations which are 
already being printed. 

TlZENHAUSEN 
Are you happy, Henry? 

Henry 

Yes, my friend! Let me clasp your hand, but 
silently, silently, Andrey. This way. And now, 
gentlemen, don't you feel that after my music 
your appetite has grown stronger? Aren't you 
hungry? Carl, please tell my new cook that in 
ten minutes we shall be ready to have her pass 
an examination. 

Carl 
I am going. 

Exit, soon returns. 

Henry 

Are you hungry, Feklusha? 

Feklusha 
Yes. It wouldn't do any harm to eat. 



22 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 

Laughs. 

He says, it wouldn't do any harm! And the 
cognac? Will that do any harm? 

Feklusha 

That surely wouldn't do any harm. 

All laugh. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

I suppose you think that your schoolmate doesn't 
drink anything but sacred water? Then you are 
making a great mistake — he drinks cognac. 

Henry 

Laughs. 

He drinks cognac! 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

A pleasant occupation ! There's no use in hiding 
the fact: in spite of my general lack of ability, 

this talent 

Sighs. 
I have. 

Yermolayev 

It's most remarkable, Henry. I have watched 
you for eight years, we have been in restaurants to- 
gether, but I have never seen you drink too much ! 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 23 

Henry 



Yermolayev 



Laughing. 
Really? 

Never ! 

TlZENHAUSEN 

And you never will, Dmitry! He has a strong 
head, such as this world has never seen before ! 

Henry 
Do you think so? Perhaps you are right. And 
what is more — Gentlemen, the bell ! That's the 
postman, bringing a letter from Elizabeth. Carl, 
please. 
Exit Carl. Henry is agitated, but restrained. 

Henry 

To Feklusha: 

So you are fond of cognac? 

Carl 
Entering. 

A letter from Moscow, registered. Sign here, 
Henry. 

Henry 
Signing. 

I always asked her to send it registered. Here 
are twenty kopeks for the postman. So. Now 
they are writing us from Moscow. 



24 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS Lact i 

Tearing the envelope open. 
You will pardon me, gentlemen? 

TlZENHAUSEN 

How can we prevent a lover from reading his 
letters? Go ahead, Henry, we are not here. 

Henry reads slowly and long. He turns pale at 
the first lines, and keeps growing ever paler. 
No one but Carl is watching him. 

Yermolayev 
Softly: 

A wonderful little apartment ! It's very hard to 
find one like it nowadays. 

Feklusha 
You can't even touch any apartments now — it's 
simply terrible. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Have you a family ? 

Feklusha 
An enormous one! 

Carl 
Loudly: 

Aren't you feeling well, Henry? 

All look with alarm at Henry. He gets up, walks 
two steps, and without saying a word strikes 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 25 

the table with a powerful blow of his fist. 
Bottles and glasses fall. All jump to their 
feet. 

Carl 



Henry! 
Henry! 



TlZENHAUSEN 



Henry strikes the table once more just as force- 
fully with his fist, without saying c word. He 
stands silently, surveying them all with red 
eyes, as if looking for some one to attack. 

Yermolayev 
Bring him some water! 

Henry 
I need no water! 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Henry ! My dear Henry ! Has anything terrible 
happened? 

Henry 

No, nothing terrible. 

Carl 

Henry, calm yourself. 

Henry 
I am calm. 



26 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

TlZENHAUSEN 

No. Something terrible has happened. My dear 
Henry ! We are here ! We are all your friends, 
Henry ! 

Henry 
I must ask you to excuse me, but there will be no 
dinner to-day. Carl, tell the new cook that she 
may go home now. 
Exit Carl, returns soon. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Who cares about the dinner! You shouldn't 
worry about such trifles, Henry! 

Yermolayev 
Who cares about the dinner? 

Henry 

There will be no dinner here to-day. 
He suddenly strikes the table again. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Almost crying. 

Oh, my God ! What a misfortune, Henry ! 

Henry 
Yes? Here is a very strange letter, Andrey. 
Either there's something wrong in this letter, or 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 27 

I can't read it. Read it, Andrey, and tell me. 
Perhaps I have grown blind 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Reads, 

No, you haven't grown blind, my poor Henry. 

Reads. 

No, it's impossible! 

Henry 
And does it say there, "I still love you"? 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Yes, yes, Henry. 

Henry 
So. Then I am not blind. And does it say there 
"But because of the insistence of my parents I am 
going to be married." 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Henry! She is already married. She is already 
married! 

Henry 
She is already married to a wealthy man. What 
is his name, Andrey? 

TlZENHAUSEN 

His name is not mentioned. 



28 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 

Not mentioned. So. And how did she sign it? 

TlZENHAUSEN 
Reading: 

"Your unworthy Elizabeth." 

Henry 
Unworthy Elizabeth. Yes. Unworthy Eliza- 
beth. 

Suddenly strikes the table forcefully. 
Unworthy Elizabeth! 

TlZENHAUSEN 

But my dear friend, my unfortunate friend. 

Carl 
Keep up your courage, Henry! 

Henry 
I will not do it any more. 

Yermolayev 
Henry, it isn't worth worrying about. Such things 
happen in life. You will find a better bride for 
yourself. 

Henry 
I will not do it any more. But, Andrey, don't you 
find that it is written with precise exactness : u Un- 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 29 

worthy Elizabeth. " Who? "Unworthy Eliza- 
beth." Who? Henry Tile. And who else? 
"Unworthy Elizabeth." Don't you feel like laugh- 
ing, Feklusha? 

Feklusha 
Frightened. 

No, Henry. 

Henry 
You must not laugh. I will not allow any laugh- 
ter. But, Andrey, don't you think that the whole 
letter is written in very precise language? 

TlZENHAUSEN 
Excuse me, Henry, but in my opinion — the opin- 
ion of an honest man — this is a contemptible let- 
ter. Yes. 

Henry 
And in my opinion it is simply a very precise let- 
ter. Henry Tile loves accuracy — all his life he 
never made a mistake in a single kopek, he never 
made a mistake in addition, he never made a mis- 
take in a single cipher, and now they have written 
a precise letter to Henry Tile. And it is signed: 
"Unworthy Elizabeth." Gentlemen, I should like 
to remain here alone. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

But how can you stay here alone, my dear friend? 



30 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 

Never mind. I'll stay here alone. 

Carl 
If you like, I'll stay with you. 

Henry 
No, Carl. I don't need you. Good night. To- 
morrow we will meet at the bank. Carl I want 
to say a few words to you. 

Quietly: 

Here is some money, please take these people to 

a restaurant and treat them to a good dinner. 

Carl 
May I clasp your hand, Henry? 

Henry 
It's hardly necessary, but, please. Press it firmly. 

Carl 
I am pressing it firmly. 

Henry 

Smiling: 

No, press harder still. 

Carl 
I am. What do you want? 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 31 

They strangely measure their strength. The 
others look on uneasily. 

Henry 

Are you pressing with all your strength? Press 
harder. 

Carl 
I can't press harder. 

Henry 

And I? 

Presses Carl's hand. 

TlZENHAUSEN 

Don't, Henry. Leave him! 

Carl 
Henry, stop! 

Henry 

Smiling: 

And I? 

Carl 
Turning pale and shrinking, 
It hurts. Stop ! You'll break my hand ! 

Henry releases his brother's hand and laughs. 

Henry 
You are very strong, Carl. 

Carl 
I don't like such jokes ! 



32 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

Henry 

Morosely: 

Excuse me, Carl. That was really wrong. Ex- 
cuse me. Good night, gentlemen. The door 
shuts itself, so I will not come out with you. Carl, 
I ask you once more to forgive me. 

All go out irresolutely, one by one, with different 
expressions upon their faces, shaking 
Henry's hand. Henry remains alone; 
walks up and down the room. He is tall, 
wears a dark coat, with round flaps, gray 
trousers, neatly creased — his usual costume. 
All new and strong, and his shoes are also 
strong and new. His face is regular, dark- 
complexioned, stern. His hair is short. He 
wears a small mustache. The house painters 
resume their song. Henry stops and listens. 

Henry 

What's that again? Who is there? What's 
that? 

Listens; suddenly strikes the hack of the armchair 

violently. 
Stop! 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 33 

The song is continued. It is sung softly, sadly, 
monotonously. Henry walks over to the 
door and shouts. 

Eh, you ! Stop ! Quit your work ! Go home ! 
He walks up and down the room again, pauses, 
walks again, looking at the door impatiently. 

They call this "Russian sadness." What non- 
sense, "Russian sadness !" Is there also such a 
thing as Swedish sadness? Then I feel it too! 
Who? Henry Tile. Who? Unworthy Eliza- 
beth? And who else? And again Henry Tile, 
Henry Tile' — O my God! 

Sighs, whistling, as one who has a toothache. The 
two house painters, frightened, slip by 
quietly in the dark like two shadows. 

Wait! It isn't necessary to work any longer — 
it's dark already — you can't see anything. And 
tell your master that I don't need your work any 
more, anyway. Where are you going? This way, 
there's no one there. The door shuts itself. 

The house painters go out, Henry roams about 
the room, going to unexpected nooks, taps 
on the wall, as though looking for some for- 
gotten door. He gradually blends with the 
gathering darkness. 



34 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act i 

There is no one there, and there is no one here. 
Alone. Oh, Elizabeth, Elizabeth ! Alone ! Now 
I can break everything, smash and throw to the 
ground ! 

Throws something on the floor. 

I can destroy — and no one can stop rne. I can 

destroy everything. Here is the piano. 

He strikes the piano forcefully, and it resounds. 
How it sounds! And if I strike it again? 

He strikes it again and it sounds again. 
How it sounds ! When I banged the table, they 
were frightened and they cried : "Henry, Henry, 
Henry!" I suppose I must have struck it power- 
fully, for my hand hurts. They cried, "Henry !" 
then, but now nobody will cry. I can strike, break, 
destroy. Nobody will stop me — I am alone. And 
I can take the revolver from the table, put it 
against my head and fire. What then? Then I 
will lie on the floor until morning. Then some 
one will break the door — who? 

Pause. 

No! But she is already married. My God! 
My God ! My God ! She is already married — 
already! My God! I hadn't thought of this. 
What shall I do, what am I going to do all night 



act i] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 35 

long — all night. She is already married — How 
am I going to pass the night? It is so early, dark- 
ness has just set in. What am I going to do 
all night long! Elizabeth! Liza! 

Pause. 

No. 

Pause. 

Suddenly his figure stirs in the darkness and he 

walks quickly. 
But that is impossible ! I have forgotten ! I have 
taken the apartment for three years. That's im- 
possible, that's stupid — I cannot. Three years ! 
I am ashamed. I have made a nursery, but I am 
not so ashamed of that. And my apartment? 
My God! And I have placed music upon the 
piano. Music. I bought it. Yes. What was 
I thinking about? She would have played, and 
I would have been sitting quietly, listening. I 
would have kissed her hand. Perhaps it would 
have been just as dark as it is now. I would 
have taken her gentle hand and put it to my lips. 
How is it done? This way. 

Silence. In the darkness his soft voice is heard, 
full of longing: 

What a long night! What a dark night! Liza! 
Curtain 



ACT II, 

Scene : The same scene as in the first act, only 
the dinner table is missing. Nothing is 
changed there, although a year has gone by. 
It is evening and electric lights are burning. 
Carl Tile is sitting at the writing table, 
cross-examining Ivan, the man servant. 

Carl 
And what time does my brother usually come 
home? 

Ivan 
He has his dinner at the restaurant and comes 
home about eight o'clock. He goes out again at 
nine or ten. I don't know when he comes back. 

Carl 
And when do you go home? 

Ivan 

At ten. Sometimes he sends me away earlier. 

Carl 

Did you serve in the army? 

36 



act 11] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 37 

Ivan 
Yes, sir. In the cavalry. 

Carl 
Ah ! Fine ! You look all right, Ivan, and you an- 
swer questions sensibly. Fine ! 

Ivan 

Glad to serve you. 

Carl 
Fine! Well, does he go out every evening? 

Ivan 
No, twice a week. All the other evenings he stays 
home. Perhaps he goes out after ten, only I 
don't know about it. 

Carl 
Correct. Who visits him? 

Ivan 

No one. 

Carl 
Really? 

Ivan 
Only Mr. Alexandrov comes up very often. 

Carl 
Which Alexandrov? From the bank? 



38 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Ivan 
Smiling: 

No. They call him "Feklusha." 

Carl 
Ah! What do they do? 

Ivan 
I don't know. 

Carl 
You answer wonderfully. But what do you serve 
them? 

Ivan 
Cognac. 

Carl 
Much? 

Ivan 

Plenty. We have a large stock of it. 

Carl 
Indeed ! I know this Mr. Alexandrov. Be care- 
ful, Ivan, that he doesn't steal a fur coat some 
day. 

Ivan 
Smiling: 

I'm watching him. 

Carl 
You are a splendid fellow. Now, Ivan, tell me : I 
suppose you have a key of your own for the out- 
side door? 



act h] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 39 

Ivan 

Yes, sir. I have two keys for the back door. One 
is an extra key in case I lose the other one. 

Carl 
Correct. Can't you give me one of the keys? I 
sometimes pass here after ten o'clock. I want to 
get a book, and there is no one to open the door. 

Ivan 
I doubt it. 

Carl 

Nonsense. I am not Mr. Alexandrov, who may 
steal a fur coat. Here you have five rubles. 

Ivan 
Thank you very much. But I still have my doubts 
about it. 

Carl 
Nonsense ! Here are five rubles more. 

Ivan 
Here is the key. But in case anything happens? 

Carl 
Of course, I take everything upon myself. You 
are a splendid fellow! I like sensible people. 
Here are two rubles more. Wait. Who's ring- 
ing the bell? 



40 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Ivan 

I suppose it is Mr. Alexandrov — it can't be any 
one else. Excuse me. 

Exit, returns shortly, followed by FEKLUSHA. 
Announces, smiling: 
Mr. Alexandrov. 

Feklusha 
Flatteringly : 
Good evening, Mr. Tile. 

Carl walks up and down the room, without re- 
sponding, as though not noticing Alexandrov 
at all. 

I suppose Henry will be here soon. It is almost 
eight o'clock. 

Carl walks silently, then stops in front of 
Feklusha and looks at him fixedly. 

Carl 

I am dreadfully sick of you, Mr. Feklusha ! For 
more than six months I haven't come here once 
without seeing that simpleton's face of yours. 
Why do you snoop around here ? You work for 
the police, while I am an honest man, a student 
— you are repulsive to me. 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 41 

Feklusha 
What will you do about it, Mr. Tile? 

Carl 

I've offended him. "Mr. Tile!" Yes, I am Mr. 
Tile, and if you steal a fur coat some day, Mr. 
Feklusha — 

Feklusha 

Upon my word, I'll complain to Henry. Why do 
you persecute me, why do you make my life miser- 
able? I work for the police, but I am an honest 
man — I have a family. 

Carl 
He talks of honesty! 

Ivan 

I'm going to complain! 

Carl 
And I will tell him that you are lying. Whom will 
he believe, Mr. Feklusha? I'm bored. I didn't 
have enough sleep last night. Tell me some in- 
teresting lie. 

Ivan 
I am not a liar. Lie yourself. 



42 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Carl 
Rude — rude into the bargain ! It seems you have 
no abilities of any kind. That's terrible — to be 
a nonentity, a fool, to be unable to do anything, 
even to lie. And in addition to that, to have an 
enormous family, dirty children — to love them, 
and wipe their noses tenderly! Fool! And in 
addition to all that to be sensitive, to have a cer- 
tain self-respect. Self-respect! And I suppose 
his wife beats him too — I can tell by his beard. 
Your wife beats you, Mr. Feklusha, doesn't she? 

Feklusha 
I don't feel like answering you. 

Carl 
I suppose your wife is a very untidy woman. And 
you are not particularly clean yourself, Mr, Alex- 
androv. You are repulsive to me. Why aren't 
you just an insect? Then you could be easily 
removed — with insect powder. We wouldn't have 
to stand upon ceremony with you. How absurd ! 

He walks silently, then stops again in front of 

Feklusha, very close to him. 
Are you angry? Don't be angry. Believe me, 
I was only jesting. Don't you want to look at 
me at all? Well, let me see your little eyes. I 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 4 3 

slept very poorly last night, I spent the night with 
a woman, and I am nervous; do you understand, 
Feklusha, I am nervous ! Under such circum- 
stances a man will talk all sorts of nonsense. 

Feklusha 
I'm not angry, but why should you offend a man 
like that? I haven't done you any harm. It's a 
sin, Mr. Tile. 

Carl 
It isn't right, I have already admitted it. Tell 
me, my dear fellow, what have you been doing 
here with my brother Henry? 

Feklusha 
Nothing. Upon my word of honor! 

Carl 
Since you give me your word of honor, I bow to 
you and am silent. But what does he do? Every 
man does something — what does my brother 
Henry do? 

Feklusha 
I don't know. Upon my word of honor! 

Carl 
Henry stays home, he has given up his sprees, 
and spends his evenings with a strange character 



44 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

like you. Don't you think Henry has gone out of 
his mind — not altogether, but a little? 

Feklusha 
Oh, no— I don't think so at all. You and I may 
go out of our minds, but not he ! 

Carl 
It is very interesting to talk with you. You have 
such fascinating little eyes, Mr. Feklusha, and if 
you are not a downright scoundrel, then I know 
nothing about scoundrels. 

Feklusha 
Again ? 

Carl 
Let us combine, Mr. Feklusha. Do you want to 
make twenty thousand rubles? You can't imagine 
it? Well, then, here is the proposition: Persuade 
my brother Henry to insure his life for a hundred 
thousand rubles. 

Feklusha 
I don't understand you. I can't tell when you are 
jesting and when you are not. 

Carl 
It's as plain as day. Altogether one hundred 
thousand rubles. Twenty thousand for you, and 



act ii] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 45 

eighty thousand for me, as his brother, and for 
the idea. 

Feklusha 
But, for that, he would have to die ! 
Carl laughs. 

Carl 
You are comical. 

Feklusha 
But what is he going to die from? What an idea I 
Henry is a strong man. 

Carl 
Laughs loudly. 

You are very comical, Mr. Feklusha! You ought 
to be in a circus. You are a clown ! 

Feklusha 
Rising. 

I am going to complain to Henry ! What do you 
mean ? Why do you annoy me like Satan ? Satan ! 

Carl 
Indifferently: 

You are a perfect fool ! And there is such an 
odor about you — I suppose you don't know what 
a bath is. Fie ! Go and take a bath. I'll give you 
some money for a bath. 



46 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Feklusha 
I'll tell him everything, you'll see ! 

Carl 
Still more indifferently: 

Hold your tongue ! I am disgusted with you. I 
want to walk and think. Keep quiet — and don't 
disturb me. If you breathe a word about it I 
will tell my brother Henry this evening that you 
were urging me to insure his life and kill him. 
Silence ! 

He walks up and down the room slowly. Fek- 
lusha is silent. A knock on the door in the 
corridor. After a few seconds Henry enters. 

Henry 
Good evening, Carl. How are you? Good eve- 
ning, Feklusha. Sit down. 

Carl 
Thank you, and how are you, Henry? 

Henry 
Quite well. Have you been here long ? 

Carl 
A little while. 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 47 

Henry 
Did you come for money, Carl? I believe your 
month is not up yet. 

Carl 
Thank you. I still have enough. Besides, I have 
found a good pupil. 

Henry 
Don't stand upon ceremony with me, Carl. I in- 
tend to increase your allowance twenty rubles a 
month. Feklusha, at yesterday's conference they 
decided to increase my salary by twelve hundred 
a year. 

Feklusha 
Really? I congratulate you, I congratulate you 
from the bottom of my heart. 

Henry 
The management appreciates my services. 

Carl 
I don't even congratulate you, Henry — it is so 
natural. Yesterday I met Tizenhausen, and he 
told me that you have become ideal. He assured 
me that he had never seen such a correct, tireless, 
and perfect worker as you are. Everybody fears 
you at the bank. 



48 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act n 

Henry 

Oh, yes, they are all afraid of me. When I pass 
by, they don't dare lift their heads from their 
work. Yesterday I dismissed two clerks for not 
being punctual. Yes, people have reason to be 
afraid of me. 

Carl 
Of course, you don't include me among them? I 
am jesting, Henry. But here is something I 
wanted to ask you seriously — I was talking about 
it with your friend here. 

Henry 

With my client, Carl. The Romans used to say 
so. 

Carl 
I beg your pardon, with your client. I find that 
his condition is terrible. He has an enormous 
family, lack of means, lack of abilities. 

Henry 

Well? 

Carl 
I don't neea any more money. Be generous, 
Henry, give him the increase of twenty rubles a 
month. I ask you seriously. 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 



49 



Pause. Henry looks at his brother attentively. 
Carl is serious and modest. 

Henry 

Good, Good! Feklusha, did you hear what he 
said? Thanks to my brother, Carl, now you will 
get twenty rubles a month from me. 

Feklusha 
Confused. 

I really don't know — My God ! Thank you, Mr. 
Tile. I can't express my — but in the name of my 
whole family — ! 

On the point of tears. The brothers look at him. 

Carl 
To his brother, softly: 

He is agitated. 

Loudly: 

Well, good night, Henry, good night. Are you 

staying home this evening? 

Henry 

No, I have an appointment.. Good night, Carl. 

The door shuts itself. 

Exit Carl. Henry waits until the door closes. 
Mockingly shows with his face and hand how 
the door closed, and laughs loudly. Fek- 



50 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

LUSHA looks at him with a certain sense of 
fear. 

Feklusha 
Henry, you were drinking this evening at dinner? 

Henry 
I always drink at dinner. If Carl were not my 
brother, I would have said that Carl was a — fool. 
{Laughs.) They gave me an increase of twelve 
hundred! They say I am ideal. Feklusha, they 
are afraid of me at the bank! 

Feklusha 
Laughs flatteringly. 

Very clever, Henry! I am amazed how you do 
it. Was it true that you dismissed two clerks ? 

Henry 
Yes. 

Feklusha 

After all, I am sorry for them. Have they fami- 
lies? 

Henry 

Whatever the situation, I cannot permit inac- 
curacies. They deserved to be dismissed. 

Feklusha 
And what about the twenty rubles for me? Is 
that true, or were you only jesting? 



act 11] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 51 

Henry 

You are a rabbit — simply a cowardly rabbit. No, 
I was not jesting. You will get twenty rubles a 
month — but not long, not long* Feklusha ! 
(Laughs.) These foolish people at the bank are 
afraid of me. I want to steal a million from 
them, and they are afraid of me ! I want to steal 
a million from them, and they say, "Henry Tile 
is an irreproachable worker, he is ideal." Isn't it 
comical, Alexandrov? 

Feklusha 
Sternly: 

I don't believe it, Henry. These are only words 
to test me, nothing else. Excuse me. 

Henry 

You believe I am so honest? 

Feklusha 

I don't believe anything. I admit that with all 
your talent you could easily appropriate from the 
bank not only one million, but two millions — as 
many as you want. But — ! 

Henry 

Steal, Feklusha ! Speak as a friend — steal ! 



52 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Feklusha 
Still worse — steal! But what's the sense of it? 
What's the sense, Henry? I ask you with tears 
in my eyes, explain it to me, don't torture my 
head, don't torment me ! Here they have given 
you an increase of twelve hundred and they will 
soon give you another increase — Henry, you are 
my benefactor, but I am absolutely convinced that 
you are just making sport of me. 

Henry 

You are foolish, Feklusha. 

Feklusha 
I have heard that many times. You can't surprise 
me with that, nevertheless I don't believe in your 
plan. My God! And why do you talk to me 
about it? What sort of comrade am I to you? 
You have the mind of a cabinet minister, and 
what am I? No. I am absolutely sure you are 
jesting, you are just acting, as in a play. You 
are not going to run away anywhere ! 

Henry 

You are a fool, Feklusha ! You are all fools, and 
none of you knows Henry Tile with his great soul. 
I have a great soul! My soul dwells in a palace, 
and not in this stupid apartment, where the nur- 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 53 

sery windows face the sun ! But let them be de- 
ceived — I am gladdened by the sight of the 
deluded fools. 

Feklusha 
I don't want to know about it, I don't want to! 
Do you hear, Mr. Tile, or no? I don't want to 
hear any more about it. For the past six months, 
ever since you tctfd me about it, I haven't slept a 
single night — upon my word ! 

Henry 

Why should you sleep ? 

Feklusha 
What do you mean? I once lived without care. 

Henry 
Why should you sleep? I do not sleep nights 
either. Oh, I have slept long enough, and now I 
have awakened. Don't you see the sun that is 
shining for me at night? That is my sun, I have 
awakened. Henry Tile, who is fond of punc- 
tuality, who placed this stupid music upon the 
piano, who leased the apartment for three years, 
for ten years, for a hundred years — Henry Tile 
has awakened! Would you like me to play for 
you u The Waltz of the Dogs"? Listen. I'll 
play for you "The Waltz of the Dogs." 



54 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

He plays it in the same serious, wooden, affected 
manner as before. Then he laughs. 

Henry 
Did you hear it? 

Feklusha 
I did. Yoru were drinking at dinner this evening, 

Henry 

I always drink at dinner, I told you that before. 
But I see that you too need a drink to brighten up 
your dull brain. 

Rings. 

We'll have a little cognac now. 

Feklusha 
Laughing, pathetically: 

Now I believe you again. How you say it, a lit- 
tie cognac. 

Henry 

Not so loud. 
Enter Ivan. 

Ivan, give us some cognac — or — that would be 
fine — let us have some Swedish punch. Quick ! 

Exit Ivan. 

Do you like Swedish punch ? 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 55 

Feklusha 
I adore Swedish punch, but what's the use? I 
don't see the use of it. 

Henry 

The use of it is that you drink cognac and punch, 
while Henry Tile is deceiving the fools with his 
arithmetic. And the use of it is also — and I want 
you to take note of it — that in about two weeks 
from now I am going away with a million rubles. 
I will not tell you the exact day. 

Feklusha 
Why should I know the exact day? But how will 
you go, if you haven't even a foreign passport? 

Henry 
I have it. But listen : Yesterday I was again ex- 
amining the railway map and I discovered that 
my original plan of escape by way of Stockholm 
will not do. I'd be caught in Stockholm or in 
Malme, I am a severe critic. I see everything in 
advance. I have another plan now. 

Feklusha 
What is it? 

Henry 
I am not going to tell you. 



56 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Feklusha 
I wouldn't remember it, anyway. How many 
plans you have already told me ! I forget them 
as soon as you tell them to me. What a head I 
have ! Are we going to examine the map this 
evening? I like it — it's so interesting, it takes 
my breath away. 

Henry 
No. Not so loud. Ivan is coming. 

Enter Ivan, with punch, which he puts on the 

table. 
Ivan, you may go home now, I'll not need you this 
evening. Good night, Ivan. 

Ivan 

Good night. 
Exit. 

Henry 

Drink, Feklusha, brighten up your dull brain. It's 
excellent punch ! 

Feklusha 
If I could only brighten it up ! To-day my 
little boy took sick — the measles, I don't know — 
I went away from home — there is nothing for 
me to do there. A fine father, indeed ! 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 57 

Henry 
This evening we will go to that dirty little tavern 
of yours. I want to drink mueh this evening, to 
talk and see many people. But not fools ! Fek- 
lusha, do you know that Elizabeth came to me 
twice and knocked at this door? 

Feklusha 
No. Really? She was here herself? 

Henry 
Yes. The first time she was sent away by Ivan, 
and the second time I myself opened this door for 
her, I raised my hand this way and said to her, 
u Go !" She said, "Forgive me." I said to her, 
"Go, foolish Elizabeth!" and I closed the door. 

Feklusha 

Drinks and laughs. 

I pity the women, they are foolish. But you loved 
her? 

Henry 

No ! And we are going this evening to that little 
tavern of yours — I like the people in that tavern ! 

Feklusha 
Very well, then, let us go. I am ready for any- 
thing. 



58 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Henry 
And I like you, too. With you I can talk as if I 
were alone. And yet I am not alone, because you 
have ears. But I am alone because these are the 
ears of a donkey ! But you are sly — you are a 
very sly little animal. 

Feklusha 
How am I sly? What are you saying? I was 
dreaming of becoming a detective — why, anybody 
would escape from under my very nose, and 1 
wouldn't even notice it! Eh? 
Drinks. 

Henry 
No. You are a very, very sly little rabbit. I can 
see it. You have thought up something for your- 
self, you don't want to be a fool. Oh, you are a 
great scoundrel ! But that doesn't matter, for I 
have already been forewarned by my angel ! 

Laughs. 

That doesn't matter ! 

Feklusha 
Stop this. Is it possible that you know all the 
trains and all the steamers? 

Henry 
All. 



act 11] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 59 

Feklusha 
Just think of it! All? And I can't even find the 
right street car, I always get into the wrong one. 
And is it possible that you need only two sheets 
of paper in order to get that million? It's hardly 
credible ! 

Henry 

Only two. 

Feklusha 

What a talent ! And what kind of papers do you 
need? 

Henry 

You don't have to know that, you foolish Fek- 
lusha. That's superfluous. But in about two 
weeks a certain very correct gentleman will be 
traveling on a certain steamer and he will have 
a million in his pocket. And traveling on a cer- 
tain steamer that gentleman will raise his hand 
this way — he will stretch it towards the distant 
shores and say, Good-by, distant and foolish 
shores ! Good-by, apartment with a nursery fac- 
ing the sun! And good-by and be cursed, and 
dead, and buried, Henry Tile, who loved order! 
Feklusha, would you like me to clasp your hand 
so that your bones will break? 



60 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Feklusha 
No. I don't like such jokes, Henry. 

Henry 
Mr. Tile, and not Henry 1 If I see you again in 
any way disrespectful to me, Feklusha, my old 
comrade, the only friend of Henry Tile, I will 
not only break your hand, but I will break every 
bone in your body. Do you hear? 

Feklusha 
It was unintentional. How could I allow myself 
to be disrespectful to you? My God, don't I 
understand the difference? 

Henry 
Well said! Empty your glass and let us go at 
once to your little tavern. There you will keep 
quiet and drink until your eyes turn green, and I 
will drink, laugh, bang the table, and talk about 
the foolish, dead Henry Tile. Come ! 

Feklusha 
Rising. 

I was going to ask you something, since you are 
so kind. Of course, I am a married man, but 
why shouldn't we go to a certain house on the 
way from the tavern? The women there are ex- 



act ii] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 61 

cellent, they are even intelligent. Really! It 
would be nice for you, too. 

Henry 

Foolish and vulgar. You are a dreadfully petty 
scamp, you are a rabbit. Come ! 

Feklusha 
Emptying his glass. 

Right away. Well, then, we won't. I am not a 
seamp at all. I am simply an unfortunate man. 
If my child is ill — I am coming. 

Henry 

Turn out the light. 

They turn out the light and go out. For some 
time the stage is empty. Then the door from 
the other rooms opens slowly, a careful whis- 
per is heard, and two shadows, dimly lighted 
by the lantern in the street, move in the 
room. The restrained laugh of a woman is 
heard. 

Carl 
Loudly and firmly: 

There's no one here. They went away. You may 
come in. Don't be afraid. 



62 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Woman's Voice 
Oh, I hurt my knee. 

Laughs. 

We are here like thieves. 

Carl 
I can't find the switch. I think it is here. Wait, 
Liza, don't go before I turn on the light. 

Elizabeth 

No, don't turn on the light, wait. I am sitting in 
an armchair. But I don't realize where I am. It 
is terribly interesting. We are like thieves in a 
strange apartment. They also sit in armchairs 
and look around this way. Let us make believe 
we are thieves, Carl. 

Jestingly, in a threatening whisper: 

Let us kill and rob your brother Henry Tile. 

Carl 

I haven't the slightest desire to play. But it was 
stupid of me not to take along the flashlight. 
Where are you? I can't see you. 

Elizabeth 
Here. 



act 11] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 63 

Carl 
I can't see anything, Liza. I am falling asleep. 
Another night like this and another day like to- 
day, and I'll fall asleep while walking. Strange! 
Aren't you tired? 

Elizabeth 
Laughing softly: 
No. 

Carl 
And I— 
Yawns. 
Do you ever let your husband sleep? 

Elizabeth 
My husband — yes. But how interesting it is that 
we can't see anything. I don't know where you 
are sitting. What room is this? I am afraid to 
look at it in the light. I was in this apartment 
only twice. It wasn't finished yet, but Henry 
showed me how it would be finished. Tell me — 
no, don't turn on the light, but tell me — here, over 
the piano, are two pictures. Wait, I recall, yes, 
the head of Beethoven and some "concert" — yes? 

Carl 
No. There are no pictures here. 



64 THE WALTZ @F THE DOGS [act ii 

Elizabeth 
And the rugs? 

Carl 
There are no rugs here. 

Elizabeth 
And the armchair in the corner? 

Carl 
I don't know. I am telling you Henry left the 
apartment unfinished. I am tired of this, Liza. 
Why did you drag me here ? What do you want 
here? 

Elizabeth 
I want it. 

Carl 
If this isn't your usual foolishness, it is a per- 
verted whim- It's immaterial to me, but this is 
simply uninteresting. And if it is part of your 
program this evening to shed tears about the 
broken home, then pardon me — I'll fall asleep. 

Elizabeth 
I don't remember Henry's face. Does he re- 
semble you? I can't recall his face. 

Carl 
Good night. I am falling asleep. 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 65 

Elizabeth 
You are dreadfully abominable. I am surprised 
that such an honest and honorable man as Henry 
should have such a dishonest brother. 

Carl 
And therefore, leaving the honest Henry, you be- 
came the mistress of the dishonest Carl? Cor- 
rect ! 

Elizabeth 

According to you, I am also 

Carl 
Also what? First you betrayed Henry with your 
husband, now you are betraying both Henry and 
your husband with me. Well, your husband, of 
course, is a fool, but after all — and then, you are 
supporting me. You know, that is not particu- 
larly moral. 

Elizabeth 
Turn on the light. 

Carl 

Gladly. 

Looking for the switch. 

Lizette, I don't understand why you are so dis- 
gusted with me. You have just said so tragically, 
"Abominable." There! 



66 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Turns on the light. Elizabeth is sitting in the 
armchair near the piano; she covers her eyes 
with both hands as the light is suddenly 
turned on. Carl sits down again , tired , 
blinking at the light. 

I am convenient, because you may say everything 
and do everything with me. The devil take 
them ! They have been drinking punch here. 
That makes the picture lively. Mr. Feklusha is 
managing his affairs quite nicely. Punch ! 

Elizabeth takes her hands away from her eyes 
and examines the room with fear. She wears 
large diamond earrings. She is beautiful, 

Elizabeth 
This is terrible ! This is terrible ! 

Carl 
It is simply tasteless. 

Elizabeth 
No ! It looks as if a crime had been committed 
here. A crime was committed here. I am a mur- 
deress, Carl ! 

Carl 
Nonsense ! A woman's nerves ! But something 
is here — a certain interesting odor. Crime 1 



act 11] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 67 

There's a word that should be pronounced cau- 
tiously. It has a magic effect. Ah, the devil take 
it. And the door. He has a key, he may come 
back any moment. Let us go ! 

Elizabeth 
Wait. I am looking. I love him! 

Carl 
I have no doubt. What wonderful diamonds you 
have, Liza! 

Elizabeth 
I love him. Why have I done it? It wasn't nec- 
essary, it wasn't necessary at all. I have an 
enormous amount of money, but I don't need it, 
I don't need it at all. But at that time I wanted 
money — or didn't I want it? I don't know. I 
don't know ! Carl, I'll give you ten thousand to- 
morrow, if you like. 

Carl 
I do. 

Elizabeth 
I'll give you twenty thousand, if you like. 

Carl 
No, you won't, my dear. You won't give me even 
ten thousand, but you will give me five hundred 



68 THE WALTZ OF 2THE DOGS [act ii 

for this visit. I know you, my dear ! But I am 
not complaining. I am satisfied. 

Walks uneasily. 

Liza, my nerves are on edge. 

Stretching himself. 

We must do something. Let us go driving like 
mad in an automobile. Come. Meanwhile, let 
me kiss your ear — you have such wonderful ears. 

Elizabeth 
Ears or — earrings? 

Carl 
Both. You are such a darling. 

Elizabeth 
Leave me alone. Don't dare! 

Carl 
I dare. And now this one ! 
Kisses her ear. 

Elizabeth 
Mockingly: 
Karlusha ! 

Carl 
Quickly stepping away, angrily: 
Please ! 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 69 

Elizabeth 
Karlusha ! Karlusha ! 

Carl 

Turning pale: 

I have already asked you never to call me by that 
foolish name. My name is Carl and not Karlusha. 
Please remember! 

Elizabeth 
Also turning pale, but continuing to laugh. 
Karlusha ! No ! You are just Karlusha ! 

Carl 
Violently: 

But I ask you — seriously ! You may call me what- 
ever you like. I will not be offended, but I can't 
bear this nickname. Do you hear? Don't irri- 
tate me. Don't irritate me ! 

Elizabeth 
And what will happen if I do — Karlusha? 

Carl 
Slowly : 

What will happen? My brother Henry will be 
tried for the murder of Elizabeth. I will choke 
you. Silence ! 



?o THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act ii 

Elizabeth 
Retreating, in a whisper: 
Karlusha, Karlusha, Karlusha! 

Carl 
Advancing a step, also in a low voice: 
Keep quiet. Will you ? For the last time 

Elizabeth 
Hiding behind the armchair: 
Karlusha ! 

Carl advances towards her silently. Elizabeth 
retreats, without turning her widened eyes 
from him. Suddenly she stops and listens. 

Hush! 

Frightened. 

Some one is coming. 

Carl 

Also frightened. 
Where? Ssh! 

Elizabeth 
Footsteps. 

Carl 

No. 



act n] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS yi 

Elizabeth 
Some one is behind that door. 

Carl 
Tss. Where? 

Both are pale, bending, listening attentively. 
Pause. The electric light is burning. 

Curtain 



ACT III 

Scene i : Night. Fog. The bank of one of the 
Petrograd canals. Lanterns are seen in the 
distance. A cast iron gate is seen distinctly 
in the foreground. Beyond it } the canal and 
the other side are enveloped in darkness , and 
enormous houses are outlined faintly in the 
background. Lights are seen in some of the 
windows here and there — the lights are faint 
and motionless like yellow spots. 

Henry Tile and Feklusha are standing and 
talking, half leaning against the gate. Henry 
is smoking a cigar. 

Henry 

You are drunk, Feklusha, you are absolutely 
drunk. Your eyes are green. Come. 

Feklusha 
I won't. 

Henry 
Shall I call a cab? Then you won't have to drag 
your feet. 

72 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 73 

Feklusha 
I don't want to. 

Henry 
I'll give you some more cognac. 

Feklusha 
I don't want any. You're drunk yourself. I 
don't want to go to your apartment — leave me 
alone. I don't want to ! 

Henry 

Don't yell. 

Feklusha 
I'm not yelling. 
Pause. 

Let me go, Henry. I will go down on my knees 
before you, if you like. I will go down on my 
knees before you, but let me go, or I will shout 
again. 

Henry 
Alexandrov ! 

Feklusha 
I won't. Why did you take me along? 
Cries. 

I was hiding, but you found me — I can't bear it 
any more. I don't want to go to that tavern any 



74 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act in 

more. I don't want your cognac, I want to go 
home — my wife is waiting for me. 

Henry 

You are drunk. Don't cry, it's foolish. Listen, 
have you forgotten what you wanted to do? Try 
to recall ! Recall ! You were planning to betray 
me when I run away with the money — in order to 
get one third. That would make you rich — rich ! 
Recall! 

Feklusha 
Well, I wanted to do it, but now I don't want to do 
it. I was driven insane by your maps; I began to 
feel like a bloodhound. I was running and run- 
ning, without knowing where I was running. The 
day I met you on the Nevsky was cursed — I felt 
happy — I had found an old friend! 

Henry 

Yes, that day was cursed. You express yourself 
precisely. Come to my house, come; it will be 
very nice there. Have you forgotten ? We will 
light all the lamps, I will get some cognac. 

Feklusha 
I won't go. That's my last word, Mr. Tile. 

Henry 
Call me Henry. 






act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 75 

Feklusha 
I don't want to. Either you run away with your 
million or — to the devil with it all ! To the devil ! 

Henry 

Very well, I'll run away. Have another drink, it's 
cognac. 

Feklusha 
Where did you get it? 
Drinks from the bottle. 
Very good. And you? 

Henry 
I'll have a drink, too. 
Drinks. 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

Fine comrades ! The people of your bank should 
see you now — how funny ! By God ! 

Henry 

Laughs softly. 

They are sleeping, and they see in their dreams 
that Henry Tile is busy with his arithmetic. 
While Henry Tile is drinking cognac with Fek- 
lusha. 
Both laugh, swaying. 



76 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Feklusha 

Where are we? I don't know this place. Where 
are we, Henry? 

Henry 

This is the Catherine Canal. And that is the fog 
— and there is the water. Do you want to spit 
into the water? 

Feklusha 

I do. 

Spits. 

And what is that? 

Henry 

Those are the lighted windows of the houses on 
the other side. Someone is awake. 

Feklusha 
And I thought only we were awake. Haven't you 
any more cognac? I would drink some more. I 
feel cold. 

Henry 
Come to my apartment, and I'll give you more. 
There is a little round table, and on the table are 
cognac and punch. Are you fond of punch ? 

Feklusha 
Still obstinate, but weakening, 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 77 

I won't go. Either you run away right now, 
or — ! Why don't you run away? What sort 
of a thief are you? Upon my word of honor! 
I'll throw myself into the canal, by God, I will! 

Henry 

Oh, what a sly little beast you are ! You are all 
very sly beasts, and you want to be slier than 
Henry Tile, but you cannot. He will deceive you, 
Feklusha ! I was jesting. You may run after me 
night and day, but you will not overtake me. You 
will lose your reason altogether, your eyes will 
turn yellow, you will be howling at the door, but 
you will not overtake me ! 

Feklusha 
My eyes are yellow now. And you are also drunk. 

Henry 
You are foolish ! I cannot be drunk. I drink 
this — {Throws the bottle into the water) — and it 
turns into fire, it burns like a flame. I am full of 
fire! 

Feklusha 
I would have run away twenty times. 

Henry 

Oh, yes. You would have run away twenty times. 
Another fool would have run away twenty times 



78 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

— and twenty times the police would have caught 
another fool ! But I am waiting. I am thinking 
and waiting. Oh, I have grown tired of making 
plans and upsetting them, but soon I am going to 
have a plan which cannot be upset — and then I 
shall disappear. One, two, three — Uf ! 

Blows at his fingers. 

Where is Henry Tile? Disappeared. Excuse 
me, he has put on a magic cap. Feklusha ! Could 
you overtake a phantom ? 

Feklusha 
Laughing plaintively : 

Now it seems to me that I believe you again. You 
are a real tempter — a demon. I had better go 
home. 

Henry 
Believe me, please, believe me ! I have a remark- 
able mind which sees everything. You say this is 
the fog, and I am telling you that these are the 
wings on which Henry Tile will fly away. I have 
a remarkable mind; it thinks while others sleep. 
What is it thinking about? Everything! Oh, 
what dreams I see, what a happy man I am ! 

Laughs happily. 

Excuse me, I pushed you. 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 79 

Feklusha 
Never mind, Henry, that's nothing. 

Henry 

That's impolite. Excuse me. Fools ask me, 
What do you do all day long, you are always 
alone? Why, I haven't enough days and nights 
for thinking! Thinking! Thinking! They take 
me to see gay women, they take me as if I were 
sick and needed a cure, and they ask me, Isn't it 
fine, Henry Tile ? And I say to them, Very good ! 
What a wonderful orgy ! 

Laughs. 

Feklusha 
Also laughing: 
Are the women nice? 

Henry 
You are foolish. As if I needed women! For a 
trifling sum I can be immoral — how foolish ! Lis- 
ten, I am now thirty-four years old, and I may 
live another thirty-four years — and what if I 
should be old, that doesn't matter. The Popes of 
Rome are made Popes only when they are old — 
that doesn't matter. And in America — or 
wherever I shall be, wherever there will be the 
man who will emerge from the stupid skin of 



80 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Henry Tile — in America I will invest my million. 
Oh, I know how to handle money ! I have a plan, 
I have given much thought to it, I have considered 
everything, and I know a dozen combinations 
which will bring me a hundred millions in five 
years. Is that good — a hundred millions? 

Feklusha 
What a question! 

Henry 

No, Feklusha, that isn't so good — but a thousand 
millions, but two thousand millions — that is good ! 
Then I could live ! Then I could amuse myself ! 
On that I could have palaces, buy women, be the 
benefactor of idiots, have a Henry Tile of my 
own who would love accuracy — then I could amuse 
myself! I will amuse myself! 

Feklusha 
No, I don't want to. Leave me, Henry. My 
dear fellow ! Why did you take me by the hand? 
Leave me. 

Henry 
You must believe me, my old friend ! You must 
love me. I have a remarkable mind. 

Feklusha 
i! 



TEKLUSJ 

I do love you, I do love you 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 81 

Henry 

Bending down towards him, softly: 

Silence ! Do you know that I, Henry Tile, am a 

criminal? I am! 

Feklusha 
Really? At last, thank God! 

Henry 

You can think of money only? No, it isn't money. 
It is women — it is little children who are still lisp- 
ing, "Henry, Henry!" It is the murder of hu- 
man beings, it is deception, it is betrayal, mockery, 
falsehood, cruelty — and what else is there? 
What else is there that Henry Tile has not yet 
tried? 

Feklusha 
Faintly: 
Leave me. 

Henry 
We are going to have cognac soon — you like cog- 
nac? Or punch? My dear Alexandrov, I will 
give you punch, yes, as much as you like. 

Feklusha 
Again punch? I don't want any. 
Rudely: 



82 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

When did you manage all this? You are lying, 
you haven't enough money for all that. I don't 
want to hear any more of this nonsense, that's 
enough ! 

Henry 
Laughing happily: 

I am preparing myself, I must know everything. 
You remember how they taught us at school? I 
am preparing myself. I am painting pictures, 1 
am a famous painter. I have achieved every- 
thing ! 

Feklusha 
Leave me alone. 

Henry 

Be silent, or I will throw you into the water ! I 
have achieved everything. They — these people 
— they know only the body of crime, but I, Henry 
Tile, I have penetrated into its soul. Oh/ how I 
know the soul of murder! 

Feklusha 
I'll call a policeman. 

Henry 

Keep quiet, you fool ! 

Feklusha 
Loudly: 
Po 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 83 

Henry closes his mouth. A light struggle, fol- 
lowed by a pause. Only the frightened out- 
cry of Feklusha and the heavy breathing of 
Henry are heard. 

Henry 

But I was only jesting. This is so foolish. I 
was jesting, don't you understand? You will not 
cry now, will you ? 

Feklusha 
No. I was scared. 

Henry 

Of course, of course ! You thought I was talking 
seriously, and you were frightened. Don't shiver 
like that, don't shiver. You are a poor little rab- 
bit, while I am a wolf, isn't that so? 

Laughs, trying to appear kind. 

I am a wolf, am I not? 

Feklusha 

I like you very much, Henry — you are my bene- 
factor. Why should I cry? 

Sobs. 

Leave me, I am chilled, I may catch a bad cold. 



84 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act in 

Henry 

Yes, yes, it is very damp and foggy, you may catch 
cold, my dear fellow. Your health is very poor. 
You mustn't shiver. Don't — we will go soon. 
Shall we go or will you wait a little ? I'll wait. 

Feklusha 
I am going in a little while. 

Henry 

Oh, what a foolish little beast! He is shivering 
But we will warm him up with hot punch, with 
very hot punch, and we will have some music. Do 
you like music, Feklusha? 

Feklusha 
I do. Some one is coming. Let my hand go. 

Henry 

Laughing: 

That is the King of the Forest, Feklusha. "The 

child, all shivering, is clinging to its father." 

Who's coming? Who wants to scare my little 

rabbit? 

Laughs. 

That's nothing: It's a lady in a large h?X. It's 
a beautiful woman for a song, and you will be a 
Don Juan to-night! 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 85 

Feklusha 
No. 

Henry 
Yes, yes. You said so yourself. Well, smile, 
smile — you are a splendid fellow ! 
A woman with a large hat and bent wet plumes 
emerges silently from the fog. 

Henry 
Good evening, beautiful lady. May I know why 
you are walking alone in such bad weather? 
The woman looks at them silently. 

Henry 

Laughing: 

Don't be silent, Feklusha, you must be a gallant 
cavalier. Ask her. You are a Don Juan this 
evening. 

Feklusha 
What shall I ask her? Aren't you afraid to walk 
alone, mademoiselle? 

Henry 

Laughing: 

He says, aren't you afraid to walk alone? Well? 

Now let us hear the beautiful lady's answer. 

Well? 

The woman is laughing and waving her hand. 



86 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iii 

Woman 
Good evening, friends. Are you laughing at me 
or not? What are you standing here for, at the 
canal? Were you waiting for me? 

Henry 
She asks: Were we waiting for her? Well, 
Feklusha, answer. She is a very nice lady. 

FeklushA 
What shall I answer? You are so strange, 
Henry ! Let's take a cab, and that's all. What's 
the use of answering? 

Henry 
Rejoicing: 

That's it! There's a brave fellow! 
Both laugh. The woman, after thinking awhile, 
also laughs. 

Woman 
Are you drunk? Why do you stand near the 
canal? I am chilled, I am going home. What 
time is it? 

Feklusha 
Happy people don't watch the time. Henry, 
what did I say? Happy people don't watch the 
time! 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 87 

Laughs loudly; Henry also laughs, clapping him 
on the shoulder. 

Woman 
If you are so happy, take me along with you. I 
am also happy. My friends have nicknamed me 
"Happy Jenny." I bring luck with me wherever 
I go. They all praise me. Come, why are we 
standing here? The bird on my hat is afraid of 
the rain ! 

Feklusha 
Laughing: 

Happy people don't watch the time? What? 
And what were you thinking of, Jennie? 

Henry 

Approvingly : 

Yes, yes, Feklusha, you have let loose. But we 
must ask the beautiful lady about her price. 

Woman 
What's the sense of that? You are talking non- 
sense. Let us go, and that's all. 

Henry 

Feklusha ! It was Henry Tile who asked what is 
your price. He was afraid the price would be too 
high. 



88 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Woman 
Oh, not at all. 

Henry 

Laughing: 

Yes, he was afraid! But we are not afraid 
and we ask you to come along, Happy Jennie. 
Now we are all happy. 

Feklusha 
All ! I like her. You take her. Jennie, do you 
like cognac? 

Henry 
Of course, she is coming along with us, of course. 
And there will be cognac, and hot punch. Come ! 

Woman 
But where are you taking me? I am afraid to go 
to a strange place. 

Feklusha 
We are kind people, Jennie — don't be afraid. 
Henry, shall I take her arm? Jennie, your arm! 
Oh, what a little hand! 

Henry 
But you are a real Don Juan ! Come. And I 
will be your protector. Go, my dear children, I 
will follow. 
They go. Henry follows them. 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 89 

Woman 
Where are we going? 

Feklusha 
Do you love me, Jennie? I am a kind man. 
The bank is deserted. Fog. Night. 

Curtain. 



Scene ii: The same night. When the curtain 
goes up after a brief intermission, the audi- 
ence sees the same unfinished room in Henry' s 
apartment. The room is brightly lighted. 
On the table are cognac and fruit. 

Henry, Feklusha and "Happy Jennie" are 
seated at the table, drinking. They have 
already drunk a great deal. The table is 
in disorder. Feklusha, intoxicated, is 
without a coat, in a soiled shirt and torn 
vest. The woman's waist is partly unfas- 
tened, but she still wears her large hat with 
the wet plumes. 

Henry 
Have another glass, Jennie. Please. And eat 
this pear. 

Woman 

Merci, I feel embarrassed. You are the host but 
you are not drinking anything yourself ! 

Henry 
Oh, no. I am drinking, too. Please — Your 
health, "Happy Jennie!" 

90 






act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 91 

Feklusha 
I drink your health, too ! 

Woman 
I'll be drunk. Well, here's to the health of the 
one who loves ! 
They drink. 

Woman 
I'd like to have some lemon. How much do you 
pay for your apartment? 

Henry 
Twelve hundred. 

Woman 
Including the porter? 

Henry 
Oh, yes. Including the porter. 

Woman 
That isn't expensive. And a nice neighborhood, 
too. Well — 

To Feklusha: 

What is it? Why do you pull me? 

Feklusha 
Jennie, take off your hat! 



92 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Henry 

Feklusha, you are impolite to the lady, you should 
be attentive to her, instead of pulling her. Fie ! 

Feklusha 
Let her take her hat off ! Tell her. Jennie, take 
your hat off ! 

Woman 
What do you want of my hat? Let it dry. It'll 
dry better on my head. You're not going to buy 
me another one, anyway. 

Henry 
And don't pull her hair! 

Woman 
It didn't hurt. We are havmg such a serious con- 
versation here, and he bothers me. That isn't 
expensive, twelve hundred — not expensive at all. 
But you should let some of the rooms. What's 
the use of keeping them vacant? They're empty. 
Ah, you have filled my glass again, how quick you 
are! 

Henry 
Your health ! 

Woman 
My health is all right. Now, really, the rooms 
are empty. And good rooms, too. Anybody 






act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 93 

would take them — so many people need rooms, 
and here they are idle. Put out a green sign in 
front of the house : "Two rooms to let." 

Henry 

And with windows on the sunny side — that is very 
important. 

Woman 

With windows facing the sun, why not? Write it 
out and paste it downstairs, or the porter will do 
it. You wouldn't have to bother. Do you keep 
a cook, or do you have your meals at a restaurant? 

Henry 

At a restaurant. You know, there is so much 
trouble when you have a cook. 

Woman 
Oh, yes, sometimes you get a cook who will give 
you a lot of trouble ! But, oh, you men, how little 
you know how to live ! It's funny to look at you ! 

"Henry 
Another drink! 

Woman 
Merci. Don't you think it's too much? I'd like 
some lemon. 



94 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

To Feklusha: 

Again? How annoying you are — what is it you 

want? 

Feklusha 
You came up with me, not with him. Tell her, 
Henry ! 
Henry and the woman laugh. 

Woman 

Of course with you, with you. Well, give me your 
lips. I'll kiss you — don't be angry. 

Feklusha 
I don't want to be. You must love me, do you 
hear? 

Henry 

He is jealous. Feklusha, are you jealous? 

Woman 
Jealous into the bargain, just think of it. Oh, you 
fussy little goat! 

Henry 
He is a very jealous rabbit! 

Woman 
Oh, you foolish Feklusha ! Look, even your friend 
is laughing at you, he is thinking, how foolish you 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 95 

are, and your beard is like that of a goat. Oh, 
you little goat! 

Strokes Feklusha by the beard; he laughs happily. 

Feklusha 
Let go ! Jennie ! 

Woman 
No, I won't. Are you going to be jealous? Are 
you going to be jealous? You little rabbit. I 
was jesting a little. Now I can have another 
drink. Have a drink, Feklusha ! 

Henry 

She loves you. 

Woman 
Of course, I love him, he is so funny. Well, you 
gaping fool, why do you spill the drink on the 
tablecloth? You're spilling it on the cloth, and 
it'll have to be washed. Be careful. 

To Henry: 

We've spilled so much, excuse us ! 

Henry 
Never mind, that doesn't matter. Have this pear, 
please. Why don't you have some fruit? Fek- 
lusha, have some. 



96 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Feklusha 
I am eating. He is very kindhearted, Jennie. He 
is very kindhearted, isn't he? 

Woman 
He is the host, but he doesn't touch anything him- 
self. 

Henry 
Oh, no ! 

Feklusha 
I love you very much, Henry. I love him very 
much, Jennie — he is kindhearted. I know him 
well. He calls me "Alexandrov" — and I come 
rushing to him. You can't get away from him — 
Oh, no! 

Woman 
Oh, I am tired sitting up this way. May I sit on 
the couch? It's softer there. 

Feklusha 
I'll sit down, too. 

Henry 

Of course, please. Alexandrov, why don't you 

help the lady ? 

Woman 
Laughing, intoxicated: 
Or I am going to wash the dishes right away. I 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 97 

am so foolish. Others do all sorts of things, but 
when I have had too much to drink, I start wash- 
ing plates, cleaning knives and forks ! It's very 
funny! I wash a little, but I smash a heap of 
dishes. 

Henry 

If that will give you pleasure 

Woman 
Oh, no. I am not drunk yet. Ah, that's good. 
Sits down on the couch. 

And you, little rabbit, sit down, and I am going 
to tell you a little story. Once upon a time there 
was a little rabbit — his ears were long — Oh, so 
long! 

She tickles Feklusha! s hand, he laughs and with- 
draws his hand. Henry looks at them from 
the distance. He is silent, as though not 
there at. all. 

Feklusha 
Do you love me, Jennie? 

Woman 
I love you, I love you, of course I love you ! Once 
upon a time there was a little rabbit. 

Feklusha 
Do you feel chilly? 



98 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Woman 

I feel warm now — I was chilly before. Wait, I'll 
take my hat off. I'm tired of it — to the devil with 
it! Look at the plumes! My dear, I had been 
pacing the sidewalks ever since five o'clock — 
that's enough to chill anybody. 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 
And I have five children! 

Woman 
Laughing: 

Oh, you rabbit! What do you want so many 
children for? I had one, and lost it — and you 
have five ! Girls ? 

Feklusha 

Three girls, and one little boy died — Sasha. How 
many is that altogether? 

Woman 

Well, of course, girls. Just think of it! I had a 
little boy, a little rascal. 

Feklusha 
Now, let us count ! 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 99 

Woman 
What's the use of counting? You are a queer 
fellow. What an accountant you are — counting 
his children on his fingers! Stop it! 

Feklusha 
You're wrong, Jennie. It's always best to count, 
or you may forget. Wait, I'll ask him. Henry, 
how many children have I, eh? 
Henry maintains silence, his eyes closed. 

Woman 

I guess he is dozing, be quiet! Let him sleep a 
little. 

Feklusha 
Aren't you afraid of him? 

Woman 
Why should I be afraid of him? You are im- 
polite to me, but he is very polite. I like him very 
much. Be quiet, let him sleep. 

Feklusha 
He knows how to count ! He has a million ! 

Woman 
Really? 



ioo THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

I am doing it purposely. I am sly, too. He 
thought I was away, but I — he is wise, but at 
the same time he's a fool, a big fool. 

Woman 
He is wiser than you. Are you wise ? Let me see. 

Feklusha 
I fooled him. 
Laughs. 

He thought I was away, but I was standing be- 
neath his window every night. I watched all his 
tracks. He can't run away from me — Oh, no ! 

Woman 
Don't shout ! 

Feklusha 
I am not shouting. "Alexandrov!" You'll find 
out the kind of man Alexandrov is ! I'll make you 
wince ! I can cry, and I can dance, if I want to — 
that's the kind of man I am. And if I want to, 
I can kill myself, and then, go and look for Alex- 
androv! "Alexandrov!" 

Woman 
You are just talking downright nonsense. 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 101 

Feklusha 
It isn't nonsense. You have no right to say that 
to me. I'll hit you on the jaw. 

Woman 
What an angry rabbit you are ! 

Feklusha 
No, I am not a rabbit. I am a man. It was he 
who made me a rabbit, but I am a man. I have 
no ability, but I am a man. I have a heart beating 
here, I believe in God, but he doesn't. What right 
has he? 

Crying: 

I can't bear it any more ! 

Woman 
Now, now ! What is it you can't bear? 

Feklusha 
Weeping: 

I can't bear it any more 1 

Woman 

Stop it, I am sick of it. Or I'll fall asleep, do you 
hear? 

Feklusha 
Kiss me. 



102 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Woman 

First he cries, then he wants me to kiss him. 
There ! 

Feklusha 

I don't want you to kiss me. Your nose is crooked. 
Why did you come here with a crooked nose? 
Get out! 

Woman 

Get out yourself ! Just think of him ! You didn't 
invite me here. Get out yourself! You nasty 
little rabbit ! 

Feklusha 
Jennie ! 

Henry 

Loudly: 

Alexandrov! Do you want some more cognac? 

Now, now — no fighting. Don't raise your hand ! 

Feklusha 
I am not fighting. It is she. 

Henry 

You had a little quarrel ? That's nothing. That'll 
pass. Have some cognac, Happy Jennie. 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 103 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

Her nose is crooked, Henry. The devil brought 
her to us! 

Woman 
And who brought you? 
Puts on her hat angrily. 

Henry 

Oh, aren't you ashamed, Alexandrov? You are 
offending our guest ! That isn't right. What sort 
of a man are you? 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

The devil brought her here. 

Henry 

Then you should be grateful to him, and not 
angry. If the devil had brought me such a woman, 
I would have said to him, Thank you! And I 
would have clasped his hairy, honest hand! 

Laughs. 

Oh, yes, that would be an honest hand! Or do 
you think that the devil cannot have an honest 
hand? What do you think, Jennie ? 



104 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act in 

Woman 
There are all kinds of devils, just as there are all 
kinds of people. 

Henry 

Solemnly: 

Do you hear, Alexandrov, you fool ? Drink, liven 
up your dull brain ! Drink, Jennie, drink some 
more — drink faster! Soon the cock will crow. 
My night is passing, and I haven't had a single 
one of my dreams. Drink faster. Swallow the 
fire ! Here I, Henry Tile, am swallowing fire ! 
Look! One, two, three! 
Drinks a large glass of cognac. 

Feklusha 
I too! Look, Henry! I too! 

Empties his glass, coughs; the woman, laughing, 
taps him on the shoulder. 

Woman 

So will I ! 

Henry 

He too ! All of us ! Drink faster, I beg you, my 
dear guests, I beg you : drink faster ! The night 
is passing rapidly, but we must be faster than the 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 105 

night. Let us rush like wild horses. Do you 
know how to neigh like a horse, Feklusha? 

Feklusha 
I do. What time is it? I must go to work to- 
morrow. 

Henry* 
What work? You are out of your mind. What 
work are you talking about ? Have you forgotten, 
my old friend, have you forgotten that you are 
working for me ? 

Feklusha 
I am done for! 
Drinks. 
Jennie, drink! 

Woman 
I'm drinking. 
Laughs. 

You're driving us fast. 
They drink, loudly clanking their glasses, 

Henry 
Jennie, kiss Feklusha. Feklusha, kiss Jennie. 

Woman 
Drinking and kissing ! 



io6 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Henry 

Quick. I want to see how a man kisses the woman 
he loves. Just think of it, I have never seen it. 
Well? 

Feklusha 
Well? 

Woman 
Laughing.. 
There ! 
They kiss. 

Henry 
More — more — more passionately! Ah! That's 
the way ! 

Woman 
Laughing: 

What a queer fellow — he's never seen it before. 
Now, my little rabbit, we are like husband and 
wife — we kissed each other three times. 

Feklusha 
I love you. 

Henry 

Good ! Oh, I know something else. We are all 
going to laugh soon. Wait. I'll be back in £ 
minute — just a minute ! 
Goes to his bedroom quickly. 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 107 

Woman 

I am drunk, my dear little rabbit — the whole room 

is dancing before my eyes. 

Laughs. 

What is he up to now — the flatterer? 

Feklusha 

Kiss me some more. Everything seems to be 
dancing. It's so funny ! 

Woman 

That'll do. Let me rather stroke your head now. 
What thin hair the little rabbit has — the crows 
seem to have pulled them out. Have the crows 
pulled out your hair, little rabbit? 

Feklusha 
The crows. 

Henry Tile enters, with changed make-up, and 
changed walk. He has on a light wig, bald- 
headed, and red beard. His cheeks are very 
red. He stops and looks silently at the 
frightened woman and at Feklusha. 

Woman 
Who is that? Listen! 



108 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Feklusha 
Look here, there's nobody here! Who's that? 
Why are you staring at us like that? 
Calls, frightened: 
Henry, somebody is here ! 
Henry laughs triumphantly. 

Henry 

Distorting his words: 

Permit me to ask you : Is Henry Tile at home or 
has he fled already? I am an Englishman — Sir 
Edward Thomson. I am red-headed. 

Feklusha 
Is it possible? Henry! By God, I have sobered 
up ! I was wondering who it was — I was scared 
to death. Is it possible? 
Laughs. Henry and the woman also laugh. 

Henry 
You didn't recognize me? 

Feklusha 
How could I ? And your figure, even the figure — 
and that red beard! 
Laughs. 

Woman 

And baldheaded. But why baldheaded? 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 109 

Henry 
Look! 

He walks across the room with a changed gait, 
imitating an Englishman. 

Feklusha 
Wonderful, quite a different man. I don't under- 
stand a thing ! I am out of my mind. Is that you, 
Henry ? 

Henry 
I. I can change my walk, I can change my voice, 
and everything else. Every night I put on this 
costume, I look at myself in the mirror, and I walk 
up and down this room alone. I am practicing. 
Do you understand me now, you fool? 

Feklusha 
That's what I call wonderful. That's really won- 
derful. Jennie, do you see? It isn't enough to 
kiss his hand — that's what I say. 

Henry 

Changing his voice: 

Don't you want some music, Mr. Alexandrov, 
and you, my beautiful lady? I am a musician, and 
at your service. 

Feklusha 
I do, please, let us have it. Jennie, music ! 



no THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act in 

Henry 

I am a famous musician. Listen, Feklusha, I will 
play for you "The Waltz of the Dogs." Listen! 

He sits down with his usual affected manner, em- 
phasizing it, and plays "The Waltz of the 
Dogs," explaining as he plays: 

Little dogs are dancing. Nice little dogs. Ti — 

ta — ta ! 

Feklusha 

Little dogs — well, well! 

Henry 
This way. This way. They pull them by a string 
— they hold out bits of sugar — ta-ta-ti-ti-. And 
then the little dogs lift their feet — this way — this 
way — and they dance — the foolish little dogs. 
This way, this way ! 

Feklusha 
More! Please, play it again! 

Woman 
More ! More ! 

Henry 
No. That's enough. 

He walks away from the piano quickly; he stares 
at the woman furiously, and then at Fek- 
lusha, and he stamps his fooL 



act m] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS in 

Who am I? Oh you fools ! The best musicians in 
the world will play for me, and I will step with 
my foot — I will crush their stupid violin with my 
foot, and will say "Enough!" I will stand with 
my feet upon your stupid music! Enough! The 
most beautiful of women will fall at my feet and 
kiss the mud of my soles, and I will stand with 
my foot upon her beautiful naked breast and say, 
Enough ! And she will be crushed while still kiss- 
ing with dying lips. Enough ! I will cry ! 
Enough, you foolish, trivial, unworthy — creature ! 
He bangs the piano with great force. 

Woman 
Oh, don't! Better play some more. 

Feklusha 
Don't, Henry. I am afraid! You'd better play 
— about the little dogs. Let the little dogs dance 
again. 

Henry 

The little dogs? 

Feklusha 

Yes. 

Laughs happily. 

How they pull them by the string, and they lift 

their little feet, their little feet! 

Raises his feet,. 



ii2 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act hi 

Henry 

Their little feet? 

Feklusha 
Yes. Please. I like it. 

Henry 
Yes, yes. 
Laughs. 

He likes it, he likes it. Very well, then, the little 
dogs. 

Woman and Feklusha 
Begging: 
The little dogs? . . . 

Henry 

Sitting down at the piano; with changed voice. 

Listen ! I am a famous musician, and here I am 
playing for you the famous "Waltz of the Dogs." 
Dance. 

He plays "The Waltz of the Dogs." Feklusha, 
raising his hands, and imitating a dog danc- 
ing, turns around easily on his toes. His face 
is serious and solemn. The woman joins him. 
Raising her hands, she also dances turning 
around easily, as In a dream. Her face, too, 
is serious and attentive. 



act in] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 113 

Turning around his red head and red cheeks, 
showing his white teeth , Henry looks back at 
them, laughing and playing,. 

Curtain, 



ACT IV 

The same scene. Night. Elizabeth, Carl and 
Feklusha are in the room. 

Elizabeth 
I should like to see the other rooms. Would it be 
right? I don't know. 

Carl 
Why not? Look around, if it gives you pleasure. 
You needn't pay any attention to Feklusha. We 
are friends now. But how fat I am getting, Liza 
— have you noticed it? 

Elizabeth 
Yes. 

Carl 
It's almost indecent. I gained another pound last 
week, in spite of my exercise and horseback riding. 
I'll have to get a masseur. Mr. Feklusha, what 
do you do in order to be so thin? You will soon 
look like an Indian fakir. 

Feklusha 

What? Yes. I have grown very thin. 

114 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 115 

Carl 
How much do you weigh? 

Feklusha 
What? I don't know, I have never weighed my- 
self. 

Carl 
Liza, don't you think our friend Feklusha looks 
like a lunatic who has escaped from an asylum? 
But why don't you look at the other rooms, Liza? 
Go. We will chat here. What are you looking 
at? 

Elizabeth 
Carl, is it possible that eighteen months have 
passed since we were here? Look — the same 
music. 

Carl 
Yes, Henry is conservative. I suppose eighteen 
months have passed — I don't know. But Liza, I 
don't understand the charms of these heartrending 
recollections. In this respect I am a European. 
The Russians don't live, they only remember 
something — and whatever they say or whatever 
they \^rite, is always like a recollection. 

Elizabeth 
And Henry? 



u6 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Carl 
Henry? I must say that I hardly know my 
brother Henry. Still, I am convinced that if he 
came in now, he would drive both of us out — not- 
withstanding the charms of your recollections. 
Make haste, my dear. 

Feklusha 
He won't be here so soon. I know his habits. 

Carl 
So much the better. I wouldn't like to quarrel 
with Henry. 

Elizabeth 
My husband is dead, and my child is dead, but 
here nothing has changed. There will be the head 
of Beethoven — when is it going to be there? 
Carl, I am going into the other rooms. I'll be 
back Soon. 

Carl 
Go. The switch is near the door, you'll find it 
easily. Mr. Feklusha, sit down near me. 
Exit Elizabeth. Feklusha sits down near Carl. 

Carl 
Well, Mr. Feklusha ? Why do you smell of sour 
beer ? You always think up something new. You 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 117 

look either sick or drunk. Why do you stare at 
me this way? Well? 

Feklusha 



It's done. 
What's done? 



Carl 



Feklusha 
He's insured. For a hundred thousand — as 
agreed. 

Carl 
Rising. 

Really? Where is the policy? Has he the 
policy ? 

Feklusha 
The policy will soon be here. They promised to 
have it in a few days. I am telling you the truth. 

Carl 
Yes? 

Walks., 

Carl 

No! No. You are lying, Mr. Feklusha, you 
are lying, I can see it! You are z perfectly un- 
bearable fool — why do you lie to me? A queer 
man who doesn't understand his own advantage 
— and lies into the bargain. Or are you sorry to 



n8 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

lose the cognac you are drinking with Henry? 
But you have already drunk yourself sick — you 
need a hospital now — your eyes are like those of 
a mad dog. We, the Tiles, we can drink much. 
We come of strong stock, but J wouldn't advise 
you to drink much more ! 

Feklusha 
I haven't touched a drinlt in a month now. 
Enough ! 

Carl 
That sounds pretty strong for Feklusha, but if 
that's the case, why are your eyes so half-witted? 
And what is it you like so much about Henry? 
He treats you like a scamp. Or is it that you are 
sorry for him, that you have human feelings? 

Feklusha 
Yes, I am sorry for him. Why shouldn't I feel 
sorry for him? 

Carl 
Fie! Drop it! It's disgusting to hear you talk! 
Besides, I'll tell you frankly — I know something 
about medicine, and I tell you that in a year from 
now no insurance company will take a risk on 
Henry. There are certain symptoms, you under- 
stand, which I don't like at all — I am afraid for 
him. 






act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 119 

Feklusha 
In a week — or two — the policy will be here. 

Carl 
Do you want me to believe that? 

Feklusha 
It will be here. 

Carl 
I want you to know that I am not particularly in- 
terested. I live quite well now, and soon — mean- 
while it is a secret — I am going to marry Eliza- 
beth. And do you know how much money she 
has? Well. I suppose you haven't prepared that 
note either — it's impossible to have any dealings 
with you. 

Feklusha 
I have prepared it. Here it is. 

Carl 
Reading: 

"I ask that no one be blamed for my death. I 
leave no will. Give my servant Ivan five hundred 
rubles. Henry Tile." So. Was that your idea — 
the five hundred for Ivan? 

Feklusha 
Yes. 



120 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Carl 

You are a wonderful criminal, Feklusha. I take 
back everything unpleasant I have ever said to 
you. I know Henry's handwriting. This is a 
masterpiece. Most remarkable ! Is that his 
paper, too? 

Feklusha 
Yes, from his desk. Give it back to me. 

Carl 

How old are you — forty? I must tell you that 
you have been forty years a blockhead ! To bury 
such a talent in the ground! It's inexcusably 
stupid! With such a genius for forging hand- 
writings you could have made a fortune long ago. 
It's stupid ! 

Feklusha 
Let me have the note. 

Carl 
Putting the note away in his pocketbook. 

Oh, no, you don't get that ! Show me the policy, 
then you'll get your masterpiece — then it will be 
in safe hands. Comprenez, Mr. Feklusha? 






act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 121 

Feklusha 
Hesitating: 

Very well. You are a great criminal yourself, 
Carl. 

Carl 
Indifferently: 

So-so. I must live somehow — money does not lie 
in the streets. Give me a million, then you may 
demand honesty of me. But to ride in a cab, 
while others are driving about in automobiles — 
thank you. But there is one thing of which you 
must beware — that's greed! That's what kills 
people like us. Here is Liza. Well, how is it» 
Lizette, have you shed tears there? 

Elizabeth 
Carl, it is terrible. 

Carl 
What is it, Lizette? Ghosts? 

Elizabeth 
Don't laugh. One of the rooms is only partly 
covered with wall paper. Dust, lime, spiderwebs 
— what room is that? I forget what he told me 
that time — what is that terrible room? 



122 [THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Carl 

I don't know. Henry has so many absurd fantas- 
tic ideas. I think it's the nursery. 

Laughs. 

For your unborn children, Lizette ! 

Feklusha 
Yes, the nursery. In his excitement at that time, 
Henry ordered them not to touch the room — I 
suppose it has been neglected since then. 

Elizabeth 
Go out, Carl, and ask Alexandrov to go out with 
you for awhile. I want to stay here alone. Do 
you mind? 

Carl 
Not at all. Let us go out, Feklusha, and chat. 
You are fascinating like a bride this evening — I 
am really fond of you. Call us, Liza. 

They go out. Elizabeth remains alone, holding 
an embroidered handkerchief. She wears 
large diamond earrings. 

Elizabeth 
How strange ! Three years have passed. My 
husband and my child are dead and buried, and 
here everything is the same as it was — and the 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 123 

apartment is waiting forme. Who am I? Liza. 
I have come purposely from Moscow. I came 
here before — I came to Henry. He was not at 
home, and I waited. Then I could come in and 
wait. Henry, I am waiting for you ! 

Pause. 

Henry, I am waiting for you. 

Pause. Elizabeth weeps. 

I love you, Henry ! I am happy to kiss the table 
at which you sit, to kiss the floor on which you 
walk, to kiss the room in which I did not want to 
live. I? I don't know. Who else if not I? I 
love you, Henry. I swear by the Almighty God, I 
love you, Henry, and I never loved anyone but 
you, and I never called anyone but you ! You are 
strong, and you do not forgive. You drove me 
out when I knocked at your door. Go, you said. 
Go, unworthy Elizabeth — you said, and shut the 
door. And I went away. I love you, Henry. 

Weeps. 

Why are you so sad, if you do not love me, Henry? 
Yesterday you were walking along the bank of 
the canal, you thought you were alone, but I was 
riding in a carriage and looking at you from the 
window. You were so sad! And I fell in love 



124 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

with you all over again, like a little girl — you 
thought you were alone — you walked sadly and 
saw no one. Perhaps you were even crying, 
Henry? Perhaps you were also thinking of the 
unborn children? Oh, what terrible words — un- 
born children! Who were not born? Who did 
not see the light? Who were expected here and 
who failed to come? Who were not born? Who 
failed to come ? Henry ! Henry ! 

Pause. 

God, make it so that my soul shall remain here, 
that it shall turn into the air that would embrace 
him ! He will come home sad — and suddenly he 
will feel a certain warmth, he will smile and say : 
"Why is it so nice in this room? How nice! 
Who is kissing me? Is that you, Liza? Is that 
you, Liza?" 

Weeps. 

Your mother, who died long ago and cannot curse 
me, because she died long ago — she taught you 
to play; you were then a little boy and she moved 
your little fingers — you had such tiny fingers then. 
Afterward, you played for me — I was sitting 
here, and you were playing, and you wanted me to 
laugh, but I suddenly felt sad and terrified. I sud- 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 125 

denly commenced to hate you and your apartment. 
I commenced to hate your mother — I felt sad and 
terrified! I did not understand anything at the 
time, and I went to Moscow. But now I know. 
You were playing about the unborn children — 
your laughter was sad. Henry, why did you play 
for me? Who were not born? Who did not see 
the light? For whom were they waiting here — 
waiting — waiting — and who failed to come? 
Henry ! 

Weeps. 

I love you, Henry ! 

Weeps. Kneels and lowers her head on the keys 
of the piano. Then rises, adjusts her hair 
and wipes her forehead as though driving 
something away. Calls: 

Carl! 

Enter Feklusha and Carl. 

Carl 
Well, shall we go home? It's time. The devil 
knows what it is, Liza. I have just been boasting 
to Feklusha about my health — and suddenly I 
feel a most annoying palpitation of the heart! 
Do you think it's heart trouble? 



126 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Elizabeth 
I don't think so. Let's go. Good night, Alexan- 
drov. 

Carl 

I don't think it's heart trouble, but it's dreadfully 
disagreeable. Well, to the devil with everything, 
I must start my massage treatment to-morrow ! 
Good-by, Feklusha, and please don't disturb me 
the next few days. I am going to rest — come in 
to see me in about a week. Or rather I will write 
you when to come. 

Elizabeth 
Come, let us go, Carl ! 

Carl 
Wait a minute. I have waited for two hours at a 
time for you, so you may wait for me a minute. 
Remember, Alexandrov, I will write you when to 
come. But see that everything is ready, under- 
stand? It is high time for you to stop being such 
a fool — you have children. Well, let us go. I 
hope we won't meet Henry now. The devil take 
your fancies, Liza! . . . 
They go out. 

Feklusha 
Says to Carl in the corridor: 
The door shuts itself. 






act ivj THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 127 

Carl's Voice 
I know. Good-by. 

Feklusha 
Good-by. 

Feklusha remains alone. He sits down at the 
table, takes out of his pocket an envelope and 
a carefully folded sheet of paper; reads: 
"I ask that no one be blamed for my death. I 
leave no will. Give my servant Ivan five hundred 
rubles. Henry Tile." So. Very well. He thinks 
that I prepared one note, but I made two — the 
fool Karlusha. He is greedy, but foolish. And 
he didn't see that his note didn't have the date, 
while no one would write a note like that without 
dating it — foolish Carl! And the r in the other 
note is different from Henry's r — he didn't notice 
that either in his greed. Such fools get caught. 

Goes over to the mirror, takes out a comb, combs 

his hair. 
They're coming out! I suppose it's consumption 
— I feel cold and I perspire — but I'll show you my 
consumption ! 

He walks up and down the room, examining things 
with contempt. 

I'll show you 1 



128 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

He tries to open the locked drawer in the table, 
looks over papers, and pushes them aside 
with contempt. 

Order ! Scoundrels ! I'll show you order ! 
Sits down at the table and shakes his hands. 
It would be fine to put a bomb under the Nicholas 
Bridge and blow it to pieces — so that all would 
fly to hell. Yes. And I could put a bomb under 
the whole city, a bomb of tens of thousands of 
pounds — then I would also be blown to the devil. 
No, why should I? A wire could be stretched as 
far as Shuvalovo and a button placed somewhere 
on a tree, in the woods — I could press it once — 
and they would all be blown to hell ! I think I'll 
wind up in a lunatic asylum — I was turning round 
and round, and now I can't disentangle myself. 
Oh, fiddlesticks ! 

Thoughtfully: 

They'll beat me there. They say they beat people 
there — they break their ribs — that's unpleasant. 
And the food, they say, is poor there — the luna- 
tics don't understand, but as soon as one of them 
complains, they break his ribs. They say to him, 
don't lie ! The lunatic has no rights whatever, 
that is very unjust. Of course a lunatic may be 
quiet, then no one will touch him. The wardens 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 129 

like the quiet lunatics. I suppose they also suffer 
a great deal. Oh, yes ! Of course — quietly. 

Rises and walks ever faster. 

It's easy for you to say, quietly. Yes. It's easy 

for you to say it, but for me, it's dreadful — very 

dreadful. 

He turns around the room senselessly; muttering 
indistinctly, without noticing that Henry Tile 
has entered. 

Henry 

Good evening, Feklusha. 

Feklusha 
What? What? 

Henry 
I say : good evening. Why are you running round 
like that ? 

Feklusha 
I ? Nothing. Good evening, Henry. 

Henry 
You were muttering. Are you ill? 

Feklusha 
Laughs. 

Was I? There was no one to talk to, so I was 
talking to myself. I have found myself a com- 
rade just as wise as I am. 



i 3 o THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act rv 

Henry 
What were you talking about? 

Feklusha 
My nonsense is of no interest to anybody. I was 
just talking about domestic affairs. Is it raining? 

Henry 

Yes, it's raining. 
Sits down, fatigued. 

Feklusha 
Henry, Ivan has gone out. He said you sent him 
away for the evening. 

Henry 
Yes, I sent him away. Sit down, please, and keep 
quiet. 
Silence. 

Feklusha 
What is it, Henry? Why do you look so pale — 
are you ill? Perhaps you ought to see the doctor. 

Henry 
No. I am well. I suppose I am tired — I had to 
talk a great deal at the conference to-day — I had 
to discuss business. I argued with the fools and 
I am tired. Are you going to stay long to-night? 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 131 

Feklusha 
No. Just a minute. I am going soon. 
Pause. 

Henry 
What a pity I have no fireplace. I thought of 
everything, but forgot about a fireplace. It's true, 
we have steam heat. Well? 

Feklusha 
Henry ! There has been a change in your plans. 
Even if you swear to me ! 

Henry 
Yes? Wait. What's this odor of perfume? Yes, 
I can smell it. Have you commenced to use per- 
fume? 

Feklusha 
You are inventing now! I can't smell any per- 
fume here. 

Henry 
Yes, there is. But that isn't important. What 
did you want to say to me? Tell me. 

Feklusha 
I have told you. There has been a change in your 
plans. Tell me the truth, Henry, I will kneel 
before you. I haven't been in church in five years, 



132 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

but I will go to church now and pray for you. 
Tell me the truth! 

Henry 

You are fond of kneeling. What truth? I am 
tired to-night. 

Feklusha 

Why, my dear fellow ! We have been friends — 
remember, when we were small, when we were at 
school together. Tell me ! Spare my life, I can't 
endure it any longer ! 
Weeps. 

Henry 
You are also crying? Strange. For some reason 
I see so many tears to-day. I was at the station 
this afternoon. 

Feklusha 
Sighing, wiping his eyes with a soiled handker- 
chief, 
What were you doing at the station? 

Henry 

I was watching the trains. No, I was sending off 
a letter. And there I saw an old woman in a 
shawl, walking on the platform — she was alone — 
and she was crying. Strange ! 
Thoughtfully. 






act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 133 

Feklusha 

People rarely cry in the street. Only when they 
are drunk or when they go to a relative's funeral. 
Henry, listen to me — or I am going to ery again ! 

Henry 

Really? Don't. No, there is no change in my 
plan. And beginning to-morrow you will have 
rest — I am leaving to-morrow. 

Feklusha 
Reddening: 
To-morrow? By what route? 

Henry 
Tss ! It is hard for me at this moment to talk to 
you, my old comrade, but come in to-morrow and 
you will know everything. 

Smiling: 

But don't try to run after me — you'll not overtake 
me! 

Feklusha 
Why do you say that? 

Henry 
Yes, yes, you are a sly little beast! 



134 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Feklusha 
A fool is not helped even by his slyness — he will 
only fool .himself. Shall I come in early — before 
going to the office? 

Henry 

You may come in early. Now go home and sleep 
peacefully, Feklusha, my old comrade. Are your 
children well ? 

Feklusha 
I suppose they are well. Why have you stopped 
drinking cognac? Henry, your face seems to have 
grown darker. 

Henry 
I don't feel like drinking. Go. 

Feklusha 
To-day is just a month since we had our last drink 
of cognac. Remember? Well, I am going, I 
won't disturb you. 
Quietly: 
Have you put the money away in a safe place? 

Henry 

Ssh! Keep quiet. Good night, Feklusha, go. 
Have you rubbers on? It's raining hard. Good- 
by, till to-morrow. 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 135 

Feklusha 
If it's till to-morrow, it's not good-by, but au 
revoir. Au revoir, Henry. Good night. And 
I tell you, you are doing well to leave this apart- 
ment! I never said anything before, but now I 
may tell you: Leave it as soon as you can! If 
one should stay here alone for one hour, he'd lose 
his mind, by God! 

Henry 
Yes, I am leaving it. Good-by. 

Feklusha 
Good night. May I say another word? I under- 
stand everybody and I can tell people by their 
faces. I can tell their inclinations, but here I am 
looking at you. You are very stern ! 

Softly: 

And if I didn't know your thoughts 1 

Henry 
Ssh! 

Feklusha 
With sudden fury: 

Don't hiss to me ! There are no strangers here ! 
What do you mean? I can hiss, too. 



i 3 6 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

Pause. 

Excuse me, Henry 1 

Goes. 

Henry 
The door shuts itself. 

Feklusha 
I know, Henry. 
Goes. Henry looks after him, suddenly stops. 

Henry 
Wait. It's raining hard. Here's money for a 
cab. Take it. 

Feklusha 
Thank you. Why so much? You embarrass me, 
really. 

Henry 
Never mind. Go. 
Feklusha stops at the door, looks at his hand. 

Feklusha 
Henry ! I am looking at my hand and I wonder. 
You gave me twenty-five rubles, but why am I not 
rejoicing? Of course, it isn't such a large sum, 
but if this happened before, I would have felt 
happy. And now, I feel — or does it seem so to 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 137 

me after my tears? — I feel as if I ought to get 
more for my tears. Or is it figured out right? 

Without raising his eyes: 
Excuse me. 

Exit. Door is heard closing. Henry is alone. 
He looks at the watch. 

Henry 
It's eleven. I must take off my collar. 

He takes of his collar, his cufs, his coat, and 
places them carefully on the armchair. He 
walks up and down the room heavily and 
slowly. He tries to wipe the window pane, 
behind which the rain is heard. 
Yes. It's eleven o'clock now, and the sun rises 
at about seven. How many more hours of dark- 
ness? Many — never mind the exact number, 
Henry! Henry Tile, say simply, many! Many 
hours, much darkness ! I have never given any 
thought to what people do when they end their 
life, when they kill themselves, and now I feel 
very strange, I don't know what to do. Perhaps 
it is necessary to sit at the table, and I am walk- 
ing? I must sit down. 

He sits down, but soon gets up and walks again. 
No, nonsense ! Suicides don't think whether they 



1 38 THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

should walk or sit. I suppose they walk around. 
But where does this odor of perfume come from? 
Such sweet, strange, sad perfume. Women who 
are young and who want love, use such perfume. 
But their hearts are sad — sad perfume! Sad 
women, and Elizabeth — now I don't remember 
her, but there was a time when I loved her — there 
was something — there was sadness. My God ! 
Why do I say My God? My God! I don't know 
anything, I don't remember anything, I don't love 
anybody! A murderer? A thief who has stolen 
a million? Henry Tile who loved accuracy? I 
don't know. There was everything — and there 
Was nothing. Why did I strike the table with my 
fists, why did I cry? Why did Henry Tile write 
figures, columns of figures, an endless caravan in 
an endless desert? There was everything — and 
there was nothing. There was a strange man who 
tossed about, who shouted, who donned a red wig 
like a clown, who swallowed fire. And there was 
another strange man who worked in the bank, 
who dismissed clerks, who looked stern and who 
was known as Henry Tile. What nonsense — 
u Henry Tile !" And who will lie in a coffin — 
Henry Tile or the other one? And where shall 
I be? Here I have already thought about the 
coffin — white, with tassels. I am terrified. Is 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 139 

it possible that all is ended? I am terrified. Has 
this really come? I have lived and lived — and 
suddenly this. This! How horrible ! Horrible ! 
This! No! No! I am not afraid. I am not 
afraid. Oh, beware of deception, beware of de- 
ception, beware of deception! And so, the coffin, 
white, with tassels, and some one is in it. Yes, 
of course. It is dreadful to Henry Tile with his 
figures, it is dreadful to that other one who wanted 
to steal, to kill some one, to violate, who put on 
the stupid red wig of a rogue. But where am I? 
My God, great wisdom and love, answer me: 
Where was I with my great, sad and lonely soul? 
I am no more. There is no one. There is noth- 
ing. There is only horror — and this. — This. 
Henry, Henry, my dear, be calm; you knew how 
to strike the table with your fist, now you must 
be calm. Yes. Good. Yes. I am cold. No, 
I am not cold, but it is cold here. Why did I take 
off my coat? I must put it on again. These are 
the kind of cuffs Henry Tile used to wear. 

Forgets to put on the coat. 

But this is unbearable. These empty rooms have 
such a terrible effect on me — as though there was 
a murderer there. A murderer is hiding in every 
room and waiting. It would be well to turn on the 



i 4 o THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS [act iv 

lights there, but I am afraid to go in. But here 
I can do it. Oh, here I can do it. 

He turns on some more lights. 
Now it is light. But what a queer strange room. 
And there is absolutely no one here. I smell the 
odor of perfume again — who has perfume here? 
Have the murderers perfume here? May the 
devil take the one who invented it. I must go 
into the bedroom. 

Opens the drawer of the table, takes out a revol- 
ver and examines it in a businesslike manner, 
puts it on the table. 
I must shoot myself where I sleep. I must cover 
myself over my head with the quilt, as though I 
were going to sleep; then I won't notice it. Yes. 
I must do something else — what? I have forgot- 
ten everything. What? Oh, yes. I must write 
a note. Paper, ink, ink? No! I don't need any 
notes. That's nonsense. There was everything 
— and there was nothing, and this. This. I must 
go into the bedroom. What have I forgotten? 
My God, why do I say, My God? My God, what 
have I forgotten? What? 

He sits down at the piano. 

Now I will play "The Waltz of the Dogs." 

Listen, Henry Tile, I will play for you for the last 



act iv] THE WALTZ OF THE DOGS 141 

time my favorite "Waltz of the Dogs." My 
mother taught me to play it this way. 

He plays, at first loudly, then ever more softly. 
Towards the end, he breaks of a musical 
phrase, his head falls on the piano, and he 
sobs softly. Then he closes the piano silently 
and carefidly, takes the revolver and goes 
to the bedroom. He stops, and says impa- 
tiently: 

What else? Oh, what else? 

He looks around the room perplexedly. 

I must — I must' — what must I? I must shut off 

the light, yes, I must do it. It will burn all night. 

Let it burn. 

He goes into the bedroom. A moment of silence. 
He soon comes out of the bedroom, without 
a vest — he looks for something silently, as 
if he has either forgotten something, or could 
not find it. He is looking for something and 
not finding it, having stopped thinking of 
what he was looking for, he goes to the bed- 
room quickly. 

The room is empty for a while. A dull shot is 
heard. 

Curtain 



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